After finally building the type of platform required to belatedly seize control in this series, the hosts steadily reverted to type on the opening day of the third test at Seddon Park.
Playing to avoid a historic 3-0 whitewash, New Zealand showed why they were in this mess when tumbling from 105-0 to 231-7, before the tailenders lifted flagging hopes and the total to 315-9.
The first day once shaped as by far their best since this series started a fortnight ago at Hagley Oval, where a stumps score of 319-8 represented parity and, as it transpired, the most optimistic night fans would enjoy.
The series went downhill, fast, as England earned victories of eight wickets and 323 runs to easily collect the Crowe-Thorpe Trophy. And after a revamped opening partnership appeared determined to infuse some life into this dead rubber, today deteriorated in similarly rapid fashion.
Asked to bat when Tom Latham would have strapped on the pads without invitation, the skipper and Will Young barely offered a chance to a wayward attack on a well-behaved pitch. Eventually, chances were just about all that came from those with bat in hand.
England have needed no assistance these last couple of weeks, yet were given another generous helping hand. Soft dismissals were more common than stands of significance, application apparently optional with the series already decided.
Sure, there is an array of unwanted records to dodge. And yes, the retiring Tim Southee deserves a decent farewell. But the Black Caps instead seemed restless to bid adieu to a trying test year – one illogically interrupted by the greatest result in team history.
Those three famous wins in India stand in the starkest of contrast to what could be New Zealand’s first five-test home losing streak since 1956.
It may still be snapped in the coming days. A wicket is difficult to judge until both teams have batted. But considering England’s turn generally brings a run-scoring blitz spearheaded by the world’s two top-ranked batters, it’s easy to envisage the remainder of this test playing out like the rest.
The first session could hardly have been more different. With Devon Conway at home on parental leave, Young made a popular return to the XI and seemed intent on making a mockery of his earlier omission.
The opener stroked a handful of superb cover drives while collecting all but two of his 42 runs through boundaries, occasionally streaky behind square but providing more solidity than the player he replaced.
Latham and Conway are without a century stand since England last toured in February 2023, one of only three established by the longtime pair. Latham and Young needed less than two hours, the sole genuine chance seeing Ben Duckett grass a tough catch to snare the captain at slip.
Having entered in this series with the score on 4, 3, 18 and 9, Kane Williamson’s first chance for a long lunch was soon interrupted, with Young unable to add to his morning tally and the stand broken on 105.
It took a good delivery to dismiss the recalled batter, Gus Atkinson getting one to seam away and find a faint edge. The same could not be said about most of Young’s teammates.
Latham (63) was at least unlucky, strangled down the legside, and Williamson (44) was also left to rue his misfortune, a forward defence trickling backwards onto his stumps.
Yet those who followed formed the most middling of middle orders, each contributing to his demise.
Rachin Ravindra, not for the first time this series, played some lovely shots before steering a loose delivery to gully. Daryl Mitchell joined Ravindra in throwing back his head in dismay after mis-timing a drive to mid-off.
Tom Blundell narrowly escaped a duck for the second straight innings, this time eventually chipping to cover instead of compiling an inconsequential century. And Glenn Phillips flayed wildly to backward point when granted width, batting as though there were nothing at stake.
Southee knew the stakes, pulling three sixes to take his career tally to 98. And the returning Mitchell Santner (50no off 54) bookended the day the way it began. But those efforts didn’t quite make up for the afternoon nap.