The Best Sex Toys To Enjoy In Midlife & Beyond, For When You’re Feeling Frisky In Your 50s Or Sexy In Your 60s

Warning: This story deals with content of a sexual nature

Welcome to Viva’s Sex School, a series that serves to educate and empower you to enjoy and explore the many facets of sex. Previously, we asked three of the industry’s most knowledgeable sexperts for their hot take on how to shop for your first sex toy. This week, we asked those in the know about the best sex toys to use in your 50s and beyond.

As we enter the next phase of life, from peri-menopause to menopause and beyond, what used to feel good between the sheets doesn’t do the trick anymore – or isn’t as pleasurable as it once was.

That’s largely due to the body’s declining levels of sex hormones as we age. Estrogen and testosterone play a role in sexual desire and arousal, sending blood to all the right places and stimulating vaginal lubrication.

For some people, sex in midlife can be painful, says holistic sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes.

“The vagina can shorten and narrow, changing in shape and size. Vaginal walls can become thinner and stiffer which can make sex feel uncomfortable and tender,” she says.

But just because you’re not loaded with sex hormones like you once were doesn’t mean orgasms are a thing of the past. It simply means you might need a little extra stimulation and patience (and lube!) to build to a climax.

Enter sex toys.

These little pleasure seekers have one mission – to arouse you and help you orgasm. Depending on its size, shape and style, sex toys add extra stimulation to solo or partnered play, send blood to your genitals and allow you to arrive at that all-important orgasm.

“There’s a gross misconception that sexual exploration is a young person’s sport. Sexual pleasure isn’t bound by age,” she says.

It’s a sentiment shared by Melissa, who agrees anyone can experience a sexual awakening at any age or stage of life, as long as they’re willing to remain open-minded.

“I have worked with women who are in their late 50s who are having the best sex of their lives because we worked on their mindset first and foremost – we know the mind affects the body so we start there,” Melissa says.

“The mindset shift was ‘this is the start of your pleasure and not the end’, which sounds basic but it’s powerful and also changes the narrative we so often hear: ‘your sex life is over now.’”

Redefining pleasure in midlife can require a little homework, Melissa says, adding she often tasks her clients with a short quiz to help them explore what they desire now.

Melissa says people can transform their relationship with the body (and with sex), regardless of their age, by asking things such as, what brings you pleasure? What do you want? And what do you need now?

“This season of your sexual life gets to be exciting and new but it requires compassion, slowness and meeting yourself and your body through a completely new lens,” she says.

Shopping tips

But what exactly should we be looking for when shopping for sex toys in our 50s, 60s or beyond?

“You may take longer to become aroused and get to an orgasm, so you need something that won’t overheat or die on you before you can get there,” she says.

A toy’s power level is also something to consider, especially considering the reduced blood flow to the genitals as we age means a powerful toy can make up for a decrease in sensation.

“Look out for something strong if you know that is what you need,” Emma says.

“If you are new to toys, find a toy with many intensity levels so you can start low to get used to it but still have a nice range of more intensity too.”

Toys to try

Never used a sex toy with your partner before? Melissa says it’s important to reassure them that using a toy in the bedroom is more about new ways of experiencing pleasure together, instead of sex not being good enough.

Below are eight sexpert-approved sex toys which are well-suited to the needs of people in midlife and beyond.

Or in Melissa’s words: “Some practical ideas for pain and some sexy ones for pleasure.”

Alena 3piece Dilator Set, $58

“If penetration has become painful, these are a great way to slowly and gently reintroduce penetration into your sex life at your own pace,” Melissa says of this three-piece dilator set.

Each one is designed to gradually stretch the vaginal wall to make penetration more comfortable and enjoyable.

Crafted from pliable, durable silicone, the dilators feature a curved silhouette that fits the contours of the vagina, and a finger loop at one end for easy removal.

The Bumper Cushion, $70

Okay, this one may need a little more explaining. Bumper cushions, or penis bumpers, slide down the penis to reduce the depth of penetration.

“They absorb the impact of ‘bumping’ together without reducing the pleasure for him. Some can even vibrate for added sensation,” Melissa says.

It still gives the feeling of full insertion and close contact with a partner, but makes sex more comfortable for vagina owners.

Bumper cushions can also help sex feel more enjoyable for those with a shallow cervix, a large penis, or for trying positions that were previously uncomfortable.

Editor’s note: The Bumper should only be used with water-based lubricants and it is not compatible with latex products such as condoms.

Share Satisfaction Coco Suction Vibrator, $70.

Our experts agree that clitoral stimulation is a surefire way for vulva owners to achieve orgasm, and Emma loves the Coco Suction Vibrator for its ability to pleasure the clitoris.

“That air movement creates a pulsing feeling, encouraging blood flow into the area and helping you to become more sensitive,” Emma says.

”If you find that arousal takes longer for you, a toy like this can also help you to become aroused before other forms of play.”

Its discreet size and shape means it’s easy to use during partnered sex (Emma says it’s excellent to place between your body and your partners), not to mention its soft silicone casing and flexible tip for added comfort.

Satisfyer Pro 2 Gen 3 Air Pulse Clitoral Stimulator, $120.

For Melissa, it’s the iconic Satisfyer Pro 2 that gets her first bidding as far as stimulating the clit or easing any discomfort during sex.

“The clitoris is a very sensitive and pleasurable zone, so if you are dealing with vaginal discomfort, try a clitoral stimulator,” Melissa says.

Other clitoral stimulators Melissa recommends include the Lelo Sona Sonic and Clitoral Suction Toy to avoid penetration but still experience pleasure.

“These are also great to give to your partner when they’re going down on you and interchange between tongue and toy,” she adds.

Bodywand Silicone Massager, $140.

If a clitoral stimulator feels too intense, Emma loves wand vibrators and massagers to restore blood flow back to the genitals and increase sensation once more.

“As we age, the same sorts of stimulation that we enjoyed earlier in life may no longer be enough to get us there, even if they still feel enjoyable,” she says.

“That’s where a wand vibrator can be helpful. These have rumbly vibrators which can be felt throughout the entire clitoral structure.”

In this instance, the Bodywand Silicone Massager is Emma’s go-to. It’s large, yes, but lightweight compared to other body massagers on the market today.

Unlike other battery-powered toys that require charging, this toy plugs straight into the wall meaning it won’t run out of juice mid-session.

Share Satisfaction Khala Vibrating Penis Wand, $90.

Masturbation toys have come a long way in recent years, with vibrating wands being a standout toy to try for penis owners, Emma says.

“This toy has two flexible silicone wings which open to accommodate a penis. The base of the toy then vibrates with deep, strong vibrations that can be felt throughout the wings of the toy,” Emma says.

The best part? You don’t need an erection to use it. The flexible wings can be manipulated around the shaft of the penis to boost arousal, blood flow, and in some cases, helping it become erect, Emma adds.

It’s important to note here that orgasm can happen without an erect penis, too.

Satisfyer Cock Ring, $60.

For mutual pleasure, consider adding a cock ring into partnered play.

It slides onto the penis and sits at the base of the shaft, helping to trap blood inside the erection (not at all painful).

By preventing the blood flow back out, it helps boost the longevity of an erection, while increasing penis sensitivity.

Some cock rings boast the added benefit of vibrating, meaning some partners can enjoy clitoral stimulation from the ring during penetrative sex, Emma says.

Liberator Wedge, $130.

Crafted from firm, high-density foam, Emma loves the Wedge for its ability to hold you in positions better than a standard pillow ever could during oral or penetrative sex.

As one of the more underrated toys on this list, Melissa agrees that cushions and wedges can be especially helpful as we age.

“With estrogen dropping, it can lead to achy joints. Sex equipment like cushions or wedges can help you comfortably stay in your favourite sex positions,” she says.

Sextras

As we age, our ability to become naturally lubricated diminishes, so Emma recommends seeking out a good lubricant (and using a lot of it).

Silicone lubricant is excellent during sex for its silky texture and longevity. Not to mention its ability to leave skin feeling moisturised. But Emma warns that silicone lube doesn’t play nicely with all silicone toys, so keep that in mind before you play.

Otherwise, try using a hybrid or water-based lubricant, both of which are safe to use with sex toys during masturbation or sex.

Melissa advises side-stepping lube that contains glycerin, parabens and other harsh chemicals to avoid vaginal irritation.

Lastly, a stimulating gel is excellent to have in your toolbox to boost blood flow and sensitivity to intimate areas, Emma says. Start slowly, as some stimulating gels can have a warming effect which can be too intense for some people.

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