How To Have A Summer Fling, With Tips From Sexpert Emma Hewitt

Ready for some summer lovin’? Here’s how to navigate holiday hook-ups.

Welcome to Viva’s Sex School, a series that serves to educate and empower you to enjoy and explore the many facets of sex. This week, we asked one of the industry’s most knowledgeable sexperts for their hot take on how to navigate holiday hook-ups.

“Summer lovin’ had me a blast ... ” may be the opening line to one of Grease’s most iconic tracks, but the romantic fantasy of a summer fling isn’t limited to Hollywood. In reality, a summer fling can be as romantic or carefree as you wish.

The word ‘fling’ hints at the casual relationship statuses impermanence — defined as a short period of enjoyment or wild behaviour. Emphasis on the wild.

Flings provide an excellent opportunity to discover more about your romantic likes and dislikes, in a place where you’re feeling less mentally tied down by commitments and responsibilities. These low-commitment, low-stakes pseudo-relationships can develop swiftly, but how can you ensure it stays just that, without catching feelings?

Well, if you’ve never engaged in a casual romance but always like the idea of something as hot and heavy as Auckland’s current humidity levels, you’ve come to the right place.

The Sexpert

Meet Emma Hewitt, an Adulttoymegastore sex educator and host of the sex-positive podcast Electric Rodeo. Emma brings with her a wealth of knowledge when it comes to all things sex — cemented by a firm belief in the liberation and empowerment that positive sexual experiences can bring.

Below, Emma shares her five do’s and don’ts when it comes to dabbling in a no-strings-attached fling this summer. Plus, her hot take on how to feel and what to do when your fling reaches its natural end.

Do’s

Set out your expectations early on

What are you after? Just a fling that ends as the summer sun goes down? Absolutely no strings attached sex? Something casual with the potential for more? Avoid confusion, awkwardness or heartbreak by being upfront with what you are looking for and find someone with the same expectations.

Talk about what you are into

Yes, it’s a fling but that doesn’t mean the sex should be average … it should be the opposite! Talk about what you are into, ask them what they are into and anything that is off limits and ensure that the sex is smoking hot.

If it’s casual — keep it that way

Don’t invite them to meet your parents or involve them too heavily in your family or friend group. Keep it cute. Keep it light and avoid confusion.

Get adventurous with them

This is a great time to explore something new while the energy and excitement is high. Road trip, skinny dip or tick something off your sex bucket list! Summer is not the time to Netflix and chill. Make the most of the long summer nights.

Especially if you are both going to potentially be seeing other people at the same time. Stay safe and keep condoms with you to protect yourself. And use lube! It makes everything feel so much better and prevents condoms from tearing.

Don’ts

Don’t get so enthralled in the passion that you ignore your friends and family

I know, I know, it’s all very exciting, but when it ends, they will still be there and it might be awkward if you’ve blown them off all summer to hang with your new fling.

Avoid getting sand in your …

Yes, sex on the beach seems like a great idea but for the love of God, lay a towel or blanket down first. Sand is coarse, sand is everywhere, sand inside the body hurts and it can be hard to get it out once it’s in. Just trust me. Use a towel.

Don’t be surprised if you feel a little down when it ends even if you think you didn’t catch feelings

Remember that sex releases the hormones oxytocin and vasopressin. Both of which create feelings of attachment. There’s a reason oxytocin is called the love hormone! So it’s normal to feel a little attached after sex even if you don’t expect it.

Don’t forget to make plans for when it ends

Don’t be bummed out when it ends with nothing to do. Make plans, hang out with your friends, travel somewhere or go on dates with someone else. It’s always a good move to have something to look forward to when a fling ends. It can be a bit of an emotional drop when the excitement of a fling ends, so keep busy.

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