Author and Living Sober community manager Lotta Dann helps a reader adjust to sobriety.
Q: I gave up drinking at the beginning of the year as my two-to-three-drinks-a-night habit was causing my mental health more harm than good. Not drinking was surprisingly easy at the beginning, but now the year
A friend’s wedding left me feeling completely awkward without the social lubrication of booze, and at home, I’ve realised how tetchy I’ve been in the evenings.
I’m starting to wonder if I’m a better person with a bit of booze in me. But this can’t be true, can it?! I quit for calm and clarity but in reality, I’m an emotional wreck. Why? And when will this feeling wear off?
A: I’m sorry to tell you this is normal for early sobriety. It’s normal to feel grumpy, awkward, tetchy, sad, elated, bored, offended, confused, and giddy in the first few months after you take away alcohol. Heck, sometimes those emotions (and more) will cycle through you in the course of a single day!
Getting sober is about feeling all the feels, all the time. That’s what’s so wonderful about it. No more numbing, avoiding, blurring, smoothing the edges, or enhancing your experience of life. Just raw emotion, authentic feelings and genuine reactions all of the time. It’s a fantastic way to live because it’s easier to process things, you’re never doubting yourself, and you can rely on yourself at all times. But it does take a bit of getting used to.
If your brain chemistry is used to being altered every single night, then of course it is going to react. Things are going to feel quite emotional and sometimes uncomfortable as you adjust. But adjust you will. Eventually it will feel completely normal not to numb your brain every day.
Eventually you’ll learn the most gentle and nourishing ways to relax and unwind in the evening. You’ll discover how best to make yourself comfortable socialising without the usual glass (or five) of liquid courage. And you’ll realise that being clear and connected with yourself and others every minute of every day is incredibly grounding and rewarding.
My advice is to be kind to yourself. You’re doing something brave and amazing by quitting this liquid drug that has become so ridiculously normalised in our society. Focus on all the positives. Is your sleep better? Skin clearer? Energy improved? Is your bank balance a little healthier? Are you waking up in the morning feeling clear-headed and grateful that you don’t have a hangover? Are you feeling proud of yourself?
You should be.
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Advertise with NZME.The calm and clarity you seek is just around the corner. I can’t tell you exactly when it will come, but it will. Just hang in there, go gently, and trust that your future self will look back at this time of discomfort and be so, so grateful that you pushed through.
Lotta Dann is a blogger and author of Mrs D Is Going Without, a first-hand account of her struggle with alcohol, and the challenges she experienced when she quit. She is also community manager at Living Sober, an online community where you can talk safely and honestly with others about your relationship with alcohol.
