‘Just One?‘: Why Is Dining Alone So Difficult?

With solo reservations on the rise but many restaurants still restricting tables to two or more, solitary diners often feel left out or stigmatised.

There are few customers Conor Proft appreciates more than people who eat alone.

A bartender at the Italian restaurant Fausto, in Prospect Heights, in New York City’s Brooklyn borough, he said the solo diners he serves tend to be more engaged and willing to chat. They are self-aware and more attuned to the restaurant’s rhythms.

But does Proft dine alone? Rarely.

“I love the romantic ideal of going into a restaurant and sitting at the bar and striking up a conversation with a bartender,” he said. “But oftentimes in practice, I am just consumed with anxiety” about standing out.

This is part of the paradox of solo dining. Even as Americans are spending more time on their own, many find eating out alone to be rife with awkwardness and judgment. And many restaurateurs, who run their businesses on thin profit margins, worry that tables for one will cost them.

Reservations for solo dining in the United States have risen by 64% since 2019, according to data from OpenTable, and 21% from 2022 to 2023, according to Resy. The increase in eating alone is probably even greater, given that many people simply walk in.

The trend may stem in part from a post-pandemic uptick in business trips, when solo travellers need to grab a bite, or the rising attention given to self-care, said Debby Soo, OpenTable’s CEO.

Several diners described the experience of entering a restaurant hoping to treat themselves to a relaxing meal, then feeling guilty for taking up space, or fearful that they’re being judged by everyone around them.

“When you walk in by yourself, the look on the host or hostess’ face changes,” said Rajika Shah, a lawyer in Los Angeles who used to dine alone frequently, as she moved often for work and wanted to explore local dining. “It is sometimes a look of panic, like ‘What are we going to do with this person?’ Or sometimes it is a look of sympathy.”

Shah, 51, said she is often led to the worst table in the dining room, neglected by her server, and then rushed out at the end of the meal. She blamed the tipping system – because workers are reliant on tips, she said, they may be less attentive to those who spend less than groups.

“I am just so tired of being treated like a second-class citizen,” she said.

Even the menu can feel exclusionary: the shareable small plates that dominate many menus make it expensive and “difficult to eat a balanced and well-proportioned meal alone,” said Amanda Lao, 55, who lives in Chicago and started solo dining while travelling for her former job as an auditor.

Just a photo of someone eating alone can make people uncomfortable, said Jerry Hsu, a photographer in Los Angeles who started a project called Table for One in 2008, shooting solo diners. When he first posted the pictures on Tumblr without commentary, viewers accused him of mocking his subjects.

“I was honouring them,” Hsu said. “They seemed very content.”

When Karen Follon, 77, a retired development director for the Omaha Symphony, sees someone alone at a table, she feels sorry for them. “The conversation is an important part of the meal,” she said.

Several restaurant owners said they would love to better accommodate solo diners, but that desire is sometimes complicated by the difficult economics of the business.

“At any restaurant, two is the most popular table request size,” said Gregory Gourdet, Kann’s chef and owner. If he gives a table for two to one person, he said, the restaurant loses money. “I think margins are so tight, and it is so hard to run a restaurant in America that these systems just fall into place.”

At Kann, single walk-ins are directed to the three-seat bar.

For most solo diners, eating at the bar has long been the default option, assuming there’s an available seat. More independent restaurants have started taking reservations for the bar, but many still don’t. And many won’t take table reservations for fewer than two people.

You can’t reserve a table for one, for example, at Cote Korean steakhouse, in Miami and New York City’s Manhattan borough, or Coqodaq, a fried-chicken restaurant in Manhattan. The menus are centred on large-format feasts meant for groups, said Simon Kim, the owner.

“I really wanted to celebrate the social dining aspect – fried-chicken sharing, Korean-barbecue sharing,” he said. “Having a high energy restaurant with a solo diner, not necessarily being part of the vibe, creates a little bit of awkwardness.”

But he still allows some parties of one: Coqodaq has a bar for walk-ins to accommodate those who want a lower-key experience, said Kim. (Cote’s bar is standing-room-only.)

The assumption that people need to be coupled or grouped goes beyond restaurants, said Bella DePaulo, a social psychologist in Summerland, California, and author of the 2023 book Single at Heart: The Power, Freedom and Heart-Filling Joy of Single Life.

Scientists have long examined the negative impacts of solitude, but studies on how it can be a peaceful, self-esteem-building experience are rarer, she said. The 2025 World Happiness Report, published last week by the University of Oxford’s Wellbeing Research Centre, suggests that solitary activities, including solo meals, can lead to depression and shorter life expectancies. DePaulo also pointed to a recent, highly circulated article in The Atlantic, The Anti-Social Century, which links practices like solo dining to reclusion and loneliness.

DePaulo finds that conclusion dubious. “People who are lonely are going to stay home,” she said. “They are not going to go out to a restaurant. People who go out on their own are confident.”

To her, this bias against lone diners feels distinctly American. Since the 1950s, she said, the United States has placed a high value on the nuclear family.

“We are a nation that really romanticises romantic coupling and marriage, and stigmatising people who are single or do things alone is part of that,” she said. She compared this with attitudes in countries like Japan, where it is common to see someone slurping ramen or enjoying an omakase solo.

At a time when 46.4% of American adults are single, according to 2022 census data, and many couples are sleeping or even living separately, DePaulo said, why shouldn’t it be socially acceptable to dine alone?

There is one style of American restaurant that consistently welcomes solo diners: the casual chain restaurant, like Olive Garden or Applebee’s.

Eating alone at Olive Garden has inspired a robust genre of TikTok videos. At Applebee’s, which has more than 1500 locations in the United States, nearly a quarter of all in-restaurant orders are for single entrees. Its restaurants are designed with the bar at the centre, to make customers feel comfortable rather than isolated, said Joel Yashinsky, the company’s chief marketing officer.

Several people interviewed said they felt more comfortable eating alone at a casual restaurant than at a high-end one. Others said it felt easier in big cities, which allow you to “be more anonymous when you walk into a restaurant,” said Nancy Scherl, who photographs solo diners and published the 2022 photo book Dining Alone: In the Company of Solitude.

Identity markers like race and gender also play a role. Aaron Fountain, 33, an editor at the National Museum of African American History and Culture who lives in Silver Spring, Maryland, said he often gets poor treatment when he dines alone, whether it’s being asked to pay in advance at a sit-down restaurant or being ignored by bartenders. He wondered if this is because he is black, not because he is by himself.

Paula Shepard, a fashion executive in Manhattan, said that as a woman eating alone, she has drawn unwanted attention from men, and some have mistaken her for an escort. But she is undeterred.

“My husband and I raised two children, and my favourite activity Sunday afternoon was mommy time,” said Shepard, 71, who has been dining alone for at least 30 years, whether for a quick meal before a show or a relaxed dinner away from her family. “Go get a mani-pedi and have a nice lunch by myself.”

Most of her friends have told her they’d never dine alone because they don’t want to hear the host patronisingly say, “Just one?” She knows that others may see her seated by herself and make assumptions.

“But I can’t allow others to define who I am,” she said. “I dined alone on Valentine’s Day, for God’s sake.”

This article originally appeared in The New York Times.

Written by: Priya Krishna

Photographs by: Kathleen Fu

©2025 THE NEW YORK TIMES

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