A Reading List To Get You Through A Breakup

Start to mend your broken heart with help from a trusted friend: A good book.

In the process of dealing with the wild and turbulent emotions of a breakup, a good book can be a real tonic.

Fiction, poetry and essays present the opportunity for quiet contemplation or escapism, as a reader can be transported into reasonings and imaginings that are not their own. The endless scope of forms and genre grants the potential to engage deeply with the present emotions or enter an entirely different and upbeat world.

These picks narrow some of that wide range, to find a piece that will suit your post-breakup needs. Do you need a vehicle to process intense emotion? An idyllic escape to a genuine sense of community? Or do you want a socially informed re-examining of love altogether?

If you need catharsis

Lioness by Emily Perkins

The winding tale of Lioness is largely set in an affluent Wellington apartment building and follows a turbulent reckoning of narrator Therese Thorn’s life. Therese, who is nearing 50, is married to Trevor, a much older, much wealthier property manager. She runs a high-end homewares brand (think Pinterest beiges and golden hour photography) with the support of her inherited family riches. However, a rumour of Trevor’s potential corruption sees Therese’s world shaken — she begins to consider and question various aspects of her life, including her role within the family, her relationship to Trevor and her perspectives on feminism, privilege and performance.

This interrogation is propelled by Therese’s budding relationship to her downstairs neighbour Claire, who has started to challenge the norms ruling her own life (throwing away material possessions and covering the mirrors in her apartment, among other things). She is entranced by a freeing ‘zone’, which Claire is working to create through unconfined movement and dance.

If you need community

The Lido by Libby Page

The Lido is a charming, breezy novel that explores social connection and unlikely friendships, for a deeply reassuring read. Kate, a young anxious journalist working at a South London newspaper, is sent to The Lido, a local public pool in Brixton, on an assignment. She’s meant to cover the upcoming closure of the pools (due to interest from posh property developers) after her editor’s interest is peaked by the dispersal of flyers that read ‘Save The Lido’.

Upon her search for contacts, she meets 86-year-old Rosemary, who printed and distributed the flyers in protest. Rosemary has been swimming in The Lido pool since it opened when she was a child and has found comfort in the waters through much of her life’s hardships — including the recent loss of her husband. Kate becomes enamoured with Rosemary and her fight to save the popular pool, and lends her journalistic expertise to become central in the protest of the closure. Through this newfound friendship, Kate is also able to challenge some of her own anxieties and build a broader sense of community among the working-class patrons of the pool.

Libby Page’s story is keenly focused on the potential of community and the uplifting potential of empathetic connection. While it occasionally hints at more intense issues, The Lido maintains a positive tone and is a page-turner with an (eventually) idyllic setting. The friendship and care between Kate and Rosemary are the driving force of the novel, making it a nurturing and unchallenging read.

If you need consolation

Greta & Valdin by Rebecca K. Reilly

The novel follows the titular Vladisavljevic siblings in their retrospective romps around Tāmaki Makaurau, Pōneke and Buenos Aires. The two endure various discomforts of young life, mourning their recently lost loves and reckoning with the realities of early adulthood. Greta is an MA student not doing much writing, who is in love with a fellow university tutor (and falls into a series of awkward and unfilling dates). Valdin is an anxious TV presenter and ex-physicist, pining for Xabi, his lover who has moved to Buenos Aires.

Reilly stays close to the characters as they navigate their confusing lives, unpacking the thoughts and feelings that lie at their core. This method grants intimacy for the reader, and Reilly refrains from impressing any judgement or harshness on the characters — reading the book feels as if you’re silently at the character’s sides and rooting for them to make it through (this is enhanced by the sharpest observations about the familiar setting).

While the book does draw some focus to the romantic plots, there are other modes of love and care that make their way in. The lively family, so large it warrants a listing of characters at the beginning of the book, shuffles into the central story over the course of the novel. This imbues the plot with so much tenderness and showcases these other points of care and connection, vital through emotional hardship.

If you need raw emotion

Meat Lovers by Rebecca Hawkes

This stomach-churning work by Rebecca Hawkes builds out a whole new world and perspective to consider pastoral plains and love. Through decadent phrases and brutal language, Hawkes tears apart any attempts at earnest romanticisation, with a wry sense of humour.

As the title alludes to, the book is broken into two halves. Meat makes up the first section, with Hawkes examining the visceral nature of the farm, deliberating on the gory and confronting details of the so-called ‘greener pastures’. Then, in the second half, Lovers, the poet leans in to consider love and sexuality with an equally visceral lens. The poetry is funny, cutting and packed with formidable turns of phrase, warranting re-reading upon re-reading.

That second half, where Hawkes explores the vulnerabilities and occasional ickiness of love, sexuality, desire and heartbreak, is particularly poignant. The poems are beautifully written and so lyrical, easy to disappear into, but they’re also not afraid to get a little silly — one particularly biting piece is titled ‘Mad Butcher’s love song’.

It’s easy to become entranced by some of Hawkes’ formulations and her immersive expressions are deeply persuasive. If you’re feeling a little jaded, or confused about those jarring, sometimes gross feelings, then you’ll ruminate happily in this mystifying world.

If you need critical thought

All About Love: New Visions by bell hooks

This formative work from feminist scholar and social critic Gloria Jean Watkins (whose more famous pen name was bell hooks) looks to re-examine the discourses and ideas relevant to popular conceptions of love. The theorist moves to consider love in many different arenas, considering what the term means at personal, familial, relational and cultural levels, as well as how the enactment of ‘loving’ acts might be relevant to social structures and ideologies.

At the centre of the book, hooks proposes the need to return to love as a verb, as an action, as deeply intentional, rather than characterising it as purely emotional. Engaging with this perspective seems to expand the potential for engaging with love in the everyday, and hooks’ words might help to stimulate some mending and forgiveness within your social environments.

Though the book, released in 1999, does include a few passages that showcase its age as a social science text, the ideas central to hooks’ conception are as relevant as ever. All About Love makes for a loyal companion in the process of reconceptualising and reimagining love beyond its romantic forms and is especially poignant in the wake of heartbreak.

If you need care

Coming Apart: How To Heal Your Broken Heart by Daphne Rose Kingma

This book, originally released in 1987, tiptoes into the genre of self-help, diving into the potential methods for addressing the intense emotions of heartbreak head-on.

Coming Apart highlights actionable steps to remedy some of the minimising feelings around a breakup, ascribing assignments to the reader to encourage higher self-esteem. This practice, of building yourself up and keeping a kind mindset toward yourself, is key. Especially in the early phases, the ethos of Coming Apart can be a helpful way to maintain and manicure a strong sense of self.

Taking on this encouragement, and shifting your frame of consideration to your own healing and esteem, can be a liberating factor and an opportunity to soothe spinning anxieties. Coming Apart also offers up some light psychology to propel a pondering of your own situation. This book will allow you to see the recent pains and next steps more clearly. Actioning some of these suggestions should help in lifting you out of a funk.