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Greg Dixon’s Another Kind of Politics is a weekly, mostly satirical column on politics that appears on listener.co.nz on Friday mornings.
Was anyone really surprised the Prime Minister, the down-to-earth multimillionaire Christopher Luxon, wasn’t at Waitangi this week? For a first term PM who remains as stubbornly unpopular as Luxon, does he really need to have his unpopularity paraded again by having insults and god knows what else thrown at him at Waitangi while there are TV cameras around?
Probably not. Of course, that’s not how Luxon spun his decision not to turn up at a time when crown-Māori relations have fallen to a new low this century following the introduction of David Seymour’s Treaty Principles Bill. It’s a bill Luxon allowed to come into existence through National’s coalition deal with Act.
In a short opinion piece in the Herald yesterday, Luxon defended his decision to go to Ōnuku Marae at Akaroa by once again saying “it has always been my intention” to celebrate Waitangi Day around New Zealand.
“I know that many of you have been unsettled by the Treaty Principles Bill,” he (or, more likely, a press secretary) writes, “and there have been strong views on all sides. It is not realistic to suggest that 185 years of debate would be settled once and for all with the stroke of a pen. My commitment to you is that the bill will not become law.”
Fine. But with the bill still rampaging like a rabid hellhound through the select committee process, might it not have been wiser for crown-Māori relations for him to have said those words on the paepae at Waitangi on Wednesday when politicians were welcomed, then head down to Akaroa?
Instead, there was a vacuum where Luxon should have been. There was also a shedload of political symbolism in him not turning up at Waitangi at all in 2025, none of it good.
The vacuum left room for accusations Luxon didn’t have the courage to be there to explain again a mess he’s ultimately responsible for. As Te Pāti Māori co-leader Rawiri Waititi memorably suggested last December, it looked like Luxon “has no balls and may be a drop-nuts”.
Actually, Luxon is more of a political drop kick than a drop-nuts for not going. In not showing up at Waitangi, he was forced to explain over and over again why he didn’t go: in politics explaining is losing.
But more significantly, he once again handed Act’s David Seymour the political limelight -- and gave Seymour yet another opportunity to appear the wounded martyr, at least for Act’s supporters and the country’s angry white racists (not necessarily mutually exclusive groups, of course).
Having the microphone taken away from him twice during his short speech at Waitangi on Wednesday was political gold for Seymour — something you could tell he knew from the smug smirk on his face when later talking to media.
Anyway, another Waitangi Day over. What will history remember of this one, do you reckon? David Seymour fronting at Waitangi despite the hatred for him and his bill? Or some prime ministerial drop kick who decided to be at Ōnuku Marae at Akaroa instead?
New Definitions of Irony
A US Republican senator, the reptilian Ted Cruz, uses the vile social media site X to falsely accuse New Zealand of not being “a normal ally within the American alliance system” because it “denigrate[s] and punish[es] Israeli citizens for defending themselves and their country from Iranian-controlled terrorists”, an allegation our Foreign Minister Winston Peters uses the vile social media site X to deny before demanding a correction.
What’s the bigger irony? One populist politician with a history of making wild allegations being told his latest wild allegation is “fake news” by another populist politician with a history of making wild allegations? Or Peters demanding someone make a correction for disseminating lies and misinformation on X, a platform infamous for its dissemination of lies and misinformation?
Hooray for Act, the best political party in the world
Like Donald Trump, the Act Party has only the best people. There is its leader David Seymour, who is currently engaged in dog-whistle politics with his doomed but destructive Treaty Principles Bill. He’s also the soon to be deputy prime minister, who, having never been hungry or in need for a single day in his goddamn life, is pretending a measly $3 can buy a hungry child just as healthy, tasty and filling a school lunch as the $8.68 Labour funded for lunches for secondary school children. On the visual evidence, Seymour’s $3 buys slops in a tinfoil container.
Then there is Workplace Relations Minister Brooke Van Velden, the ex-business consultant who is currently engaged in demolishing as many workers’ rights as she can so businesses can make more profit.
There is Associate Environment Minister Andrew Hoggard, the farmer and ex-head of Federated Farmers who is currently engaged in trying to diminish or destroy as many environmental protections as he can so farmers can make more profit.
There is Act’s Mark Cameron, a dairy farmer and “wokeism” Cassandra, who recently referred on social media to Te Pāti Māori MPs performing a haka in the House as “a whole lot of people behaving like barnyard animals”.
There is Associate Justice Minister Nicole McKee, the ex-gun lobbyist currently engaged in changing gun laws for the benefit of gun owners rather than non-gun-owning New Zealanders, the far greater majority and the ones needing protection from those who legally own, use and sometimes misuse guns.
Finally there is Karen “Cry Baby” Chhour, who, despite her own horrible social welfare experiences as a child, and despite all evidence to the contrary, believes that the short, sharp shock of military-style boot camps is a 21st-century solution to youth justice.
Yes, like a prison wing at Paremoremo, the Act Party is filled with a great bunch of guys. So you can imagine my shock when it was finally revealed that Tim Jago, the party’s president for nearly four years until January 2023, was the mystery “high-profile political figure” on sexual assault charges who had hidden behind name suppression since his resignation, continuing to do so for five months after being found guilty last August of abusing two teenage boys in the 1990s. Imagine.
Political quiz of the week
What method is being used to measure new Health Minister Simeon Brown’s blood pressure in this picture?
A/ Systolic over diastolic pressure.
B/ Saving money over meeting the huge demand for more public healthcare.
C/ Ignoring the spiralling doctor crisis over worsening patient and doctor welfare.
D/ Spending precious time on worthless social media posts over spending precious time fixing our broken public health system.
