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Greg Dixon’s Another Kind of Politics is a weekly column that appears on listener.co.nz on Friday mornings. If you enjoy a “serious laugh” - and complaining about politics and politicians - you’ll enjoy reading Greg’s latest grievances.
Here’s the question that’s dogged me all week: was this government about to go all the way and make it illegal to even think about gang patches?
Given the wacko last-minute amendments to National’s bill banning the public display of criminals’ branding, the chances seemed pretty good.
In the end, National’s latest piece of populist tough-on-crime posturing won’t ban thought crime.
It will outlaw gangs displaying their pathetic, tough-guy insignia on their person and on their cars. It will also allow police the dubious power to raid the private homes of gang members who have been thrice convicted of displaying insignia in public to search for gang patches.
Officials have pointed out all this could be a breach of our Bill of Rights Act; others have said the planned law is the thin end of the wedge.
But for the cynics who run the National Party, this is perfect policy making. They figure everybody hates gangs. Even gangs hate gangs, that’s why the buggers are always shooting at each other. So, getting “tough” on gang patches is win-win.
But when you look at the details, it starts to look like one of the stupidest laws ever passed in New Zealand. For a start, gang insignia tattooed on bodies (or faces – hello Mongrel Mob members!) aren’t included. Isn’t an insignia tattoo just as intimidating as a jacket patch? As well, under this law it will now be illegal to publicly display, say, a Black Power symbol, but not the swastika, a win for neo-Nazis everywhere.
Here’s a question: can organised crime outfits still be highly successful without displaying insignia? Just ask the Mafia.
And isn’t it actually better that we law-abiding citizens can spot these scumbags at a safe distance and then keep ours?
One final thing: perhaps gangs will simply find their way around the ban by just changing their insignia, perhaps to something like this …
*Breaking (Fake) News
Wellington Mayor Tory Whanau is believed to have sold her mayoral chains after “feeling the economic crunch like everyone else”.
Whanau, who earns $189,799 a year and won $1.4 million on Lotto in 2002, admitted earlier this week that she had sold her car to makes ends meet.
When confronted about rumours that she had also sold the mayoral chains, Whanau admitted she got $85 for them on Trade Me. She was disappointed by the trade, but she expected it would help with this month’s power bill. She promised not to sell any more city property.
Despite having trouble managing her own money, Whanau assured Wellingtonians that the city’s over-$800 million operating budget and $500 million-plus capital budget were in safe hands.
The full list of Lester Levy’s Side Hustles
Another Kind Of Politics has been leaked* the full list of the part-time jobs held by Lester Levy, the person recently hired at $320,000 a year by Health Minister Shane Reti for the full-time job of “saving” New Zealand’s public health system:
AUT lecturer
Wizard
Uber driver who claims he’s not taking the long way
Ski instructor
Gangsta rapper
Pizza Hut shift supervisor in Porirua
Successful chick-lit novelist
Wedding DJ with an extensive collection of yacht rock
Struggling stand-up comic
Shane Reti’s ventriloquist dummy
*Further Breaking (Fake) News
Wellington mayor Tory Whanau is believed to have quietly sold the Wellington Town Hall after admitting this week that she was “in the financial shit”.
Whanau, who earns $189,799 a year and won $1.4 million on Lotto in 2002, had previously confessed to selling her car and the mayoral chains to “keep her head above water”.
When confronted with allegations that she’d also secretly sold the Town Hall, Whanau admitted she had and had got $560 for it on Trade Me. She said she was disappointed by the trade, but expected the money would help with her grocery shopping this week. She again promised not to sell anymore city property.
Poachers and Gamekeepers
Was anybody surprised by the news this week that the Minister for Playing with Guns, Nicole “Mad Dog” McKee, refused to rule out the return of high-powered semi-automatic firearms?
Of course not, even though these weapons were largely banned after one was used in the murders of 51 people in the Christchurch mosque shootings by a terrorist who bought such guns legally under the old law and practised firing them at a registered Otago shooting club.
Who would want such weapons – designed for only one thing, to kill people – to be legally available again in New Zealand?
The short answer is people who like playing with guns, people like McKee.
Yet McKee, a gun nut who spent years as a gun-lobby mouthpiece, is now the person set to have the power to propose what guns should or should not be prohibited, thanks to the support of the Prime Minister, the down-to-earth multimillionaire Christopher Luxon.
You might have thought there was an obvious conflict of interest in allowing an ex-gun lobbyist to be a firearms minister. After all, who really needs protecting here? The ones with the guns? Or the 95% of New Zealanders who don’t own firearms?
It’s clearly the former, because Deputy Prime Minister Winston Peters says McKee’s long experience of playing with guns and lobbying for gun nuts makes her the perfect person to be making decisions about firearms.
What’s next? The government appointing someone from British American Tobacco to oversee the country’s smoke-free policy? Putting a lobbyist from Big Oil in charge of transport spending? Handing over alcohol policy to a wino?
*Further Breaking (Fake) News
Wellington mayor Tory Whanau is believed to have secretly sold the entire city of Wellington to Sir Peter Jackson, a move that completes his takeover of the capital.
Whanau, who earns $189,799 a year and won $1.4 million on Lotto in 2002, had previously confessed she had flogged her car, the mayoral chains and the Wellington Town Hall after her personal finances “went down the dunny” due to the cost-of-living crisis.
When confronted about claims she’d now sold Wellington to Jackson, Whanau admitted she had, but had got only “about a thousand bucks” for it because the place leaks like a sieve, is full of roadworks, and is expected to fall into the sea during the next big shake.
Whanau said she was disappointed by the sale price, but expected the money would help with her rates bill, which, under her leadership, had gone up 16.9% this year.
Political Quiz of the week:
What is Finance Minister Nicola Willis doing in this picture?
A/ Challenging a llama to a fight.
B/ Making a citizen’s arrest on a llama for crapping in the street.
C/ Mistaking a llama for David Seymour.
D/ Failing to convince a llama she didn’t have to borrow to pay for the tax cuts.
*This is satire.
