Online exclusive
Greg Dixon’s Another Kind of Politics is a weekly column that appears on listener.co.nz on Friday mornings. If you enjoy a “serious laugh” - and complaining about politics and politicians - you’ll enjoy reading Greg’s latest grievances.
If there is a God, it looks to be even money on Her hating the Act Party like poison.
Why else would so many of the Lord’s earthly representatives in Aotearoa have got together this week to call for our Parliament’s MPs to do Her work for Her, and strike down Act’s toxic Treaty Principles Bill like it was an unrepentant evil-doer?
It almost goes without saying that Catholics, Anglicans and Methodists can’t even agree on Biblical doctrine yet 440 of these denominations’ leaders were able to agree on the text of an open letter opposing the bill and affirming their commitment to Te Tiriti. It seems that whatever form of Christianity you practice, a sinner is a goddamn sinner.
“We believe God takes covenants seriously,” the hundreds of church leaders told MPs, “and that we are likewise called to honour our promises.”
One leader, the Very Reverend Jay Ruka, Dean of Taranaki Cathedral, went even further, targeting Act’s leader, the now permanently petulant David Seymour. “He is tricking New Zealanders into thinking that to honour our founding contract is to demerit democratic representation,” Ruka told RNZ. “This is a lie. As a Christian leader, I steadfastly oppose this falsity.”
Talk about fire and brimstone and playing the man.
It was interesting to watch how Seymour reacted to this latest round of criticism. For a politician who is more than happy to slag off others — like calling Winston Peters a “clown”, or “joking” about blowing up the Ministry of Pacific Peoples — he can be remarkably brittle when the attacks are coming the other way.
And so it proved this time, with a peevish Seymour ignoring the content of the letter and addressing its thoughtful criticism. Instead, he trolled the church leaders, suggesting declining church attendance in New Zealand is a result, to paraphrase Seymour, of “go woke, go broke”. He’d better hope the Almighty wasn’t listening.
The most disturbing news about the bill this week is that despite it having no chance of becoming law, and the likelihood it will lead to social division, according the Ministry of Justice, it has been given the maximum six months at select committee, surely an ungodly waste of time and money and social division.
The longer this sorry, toxic business drags on, the clearer it becomes that the PM, the down-to-earth multimillionaire Christopher Luxon, didn’t just ink a coalition agreement; he signed a deal with the Devil as well.
And as everyone who’s seen The Exorcist knows, to get rid of Lucifer you need a willing priest to cast him out. The Very Reverend Ruka could be keen.
Dear Madam, I wish to complain everything
Given the behaviour of some of MPs, the recent news that the Independent Commissioner for Parliamentary Standards is yet to receive a single complaint seems a bit bizarre.
The office, which was set up two years ago under former speaker Trevor Mallard, hasn’t even had a complaint from Act’s Karen “Cry Baby” Chhour, who claimed to media she was being bullied by other MPs.
Anyway it means that, two years on, Commissioner Lyn Provost hasn’t really been earning her dough, which is in the region of $40,000-$50,000 a year.
She really needs something to do. So in the first of a semi-regular series, Another Kind of Politics is going to help by passing on anonymous complaints made to the column by MPs about other MPs’ behaviour. Here’s the first one:
Dear Commissioner Provost,
I wish to make a formal complaint about Judith Collins. While she was telling me off for repeatedly calling a judge a communist — which she is, so there — Collins repeatedly and with malice aforethought used her eyebrows in a sarcastic and mocking way. It was very upsetting. Please tell her off immediately.
Signed
The Bard of Kerikeri
Exit through the gift shop
From New Zealand’s own The Beths to global phenomenon Taylor Swift, every popular act knows one thing for sure: there’s a shedload of money to be made in flogging tat — or “merch” as it’s called in the business — like T-shirts, hats, stickers and the rest.
Indeed Billboard magazine recently estimated that Swift earns around US$2 million per show alone from selling this sort of crap.
But there’s merch and then there’s merch. Which is to say it’s pretty unlikely the Labour Party is going to make Taylor Swift money with its latest merch drop.
Included with the usual mugs and T-shirts is a pack of five tea towels. For an eye-watering $125 for the set, you can dry your dishes with towels saying things like “Bring Back Chippie” and “Don’t Blame Me, I Voted Labour”.
Fine. But what might Labour be inadvertently telling voters? That in opposition it’s as useful as a wet tea towel?
Political Quiz of the Week
What is our oh-so-caring Social Development Minister Louise Upston doing in this photo?
A/ Warning a hungry child to “enjoy it now, ‘cause it’s back to the gruel when the cameras are gone”.
B/ Telling a hungry child that, no, they can’t have a second helping.
C/ Advising a hungry child not to eat too much or he won’t fit up the chimney.
D/ Explaining to a hungry child that behind closed doors this government considers poverty to be a “choice”.
