It’s been hard to like The White Lotus this season, creator Mike White’s third check-in with the sketchy lives of the super-rich.
For the most part, the dynamics of season one and two were tensions within families and between couples – unhappy honeymooners and a squabbling family in season one’s Hawaiian resort; investor/tech bros and their wives in season two’s six-star Sicilian stay. Season two also introduced a group v individual plotline with “the gays”, a cohort who provided the best decor and the spice as they lured self-absorbed, uber-wealthy Tanya into their web.
Now in season three, of which the final episode will air on Monday, viewers are still none the wiser as to the identity of the body in the water – an anonymous corpse always kicks off the drama in each series – or how the various narrative threads of the unhappy elite will end up being part of a bigger picture. If indeed there is one.
It’s drama, so exaggeration is a given. As in the previous seasons, to be believable, attention is paid to the finer details of styling the characters – Rolex watches, Gucci sunhats, L.G.R sunglasses, Jacquemus dresses, the IYKYK brands preferred by the idling rich. But there is one part of the “surrender-disbelief plot” I can’t get past. It’s the way the friendship between the three female longtime pals is played.
The tension between successful TV actor Jaclyn (Michelle Monagan), Texan mom/Christian conservative Kate (Leslie Bibb) and “she looks tired” divorced New York attorney Laurie (Carie Coon) is scripted to prove that two is always company, three’s a witches’ brew of throwing shade, bitchy asides, judgment and outright hostility over the rosé.
Mike White, you need to hang out with more women in their 40s.
The friendship between the much younger girlfriends of rich but ick Rick (Walton Goggins) and evil backstory millionaire Gary/Greg (Jon Gries) is without baggage. Partly because they’ve only just met and also, because, young, cute! Chelsea (Amiee Lou Wood – her very non-American teeth have a fan following of their own) and Chloe (Charlotte Le Bon) are party girls with hearts of gold, well at least Chelsea is. “You’re a Libra rising for god’s sake, that makes you a quality person.” Adorbs.
So, they’re good. The Tanya of the season – rich, whiny, self-absorbed, Parker Posey’s drawling Victoriaaaaaa – is only seen occasionally interacting with women her age who aren’t serving or massaging her. She burns Kate over a “haven’t we met?” moment that is excruciating and plain mean. The other female character leads mostly interact with men: Lalisa Manobal’s resort worker Mook, and Natasha Rothwell, reprising her season two role as voice of reason, likeable spa manager Belinda.
But the three supposedly tight old mates? Talking to actual women about actual relationships, the way they are written makes us go “huh?” Here’s some notes Mike, and for the litany of writers who’ve screamed online with “two’s company, three’s a mare” stories (sample headlines: Vogue’s “If The White Lotus teaches us anything, Let it be this: Never Take a Three-Person Girls’ Trip; Glamour’s How The White Lotus Nails the Ugly Truth about Female Friendship).
The mean girls trope should have stayed in high school. In Year 10, they’re the queen bees who make lives a misery. Then they tend to grow up and try to play nice from around Year 12. Problem is, the hive retains a collective memory of their stings and trust takes a long time to rebuild. In their 20s and 30s they may well be equal opportunity bitches to anyone who gets in their way. In their 40s, they’ve hopefully calmed the fuck down a bit and if they’re still mean, well, who would invite them on a girls-only holiday anyway?
In your 40s, a holiday with two schoolfriends is more than two decades of emotional growth past where Jaclyn, Laurie and Kate are plotted on the story arc. The conversation would be about kids first (only Kate has them and they were mentioned in passing in the first episode), then partners/various deficiencies of, then it would be about holding each other up. That’s what old friends do. Difficult marriage? Strategies to cope? Support, honesty, rosé, tears, laughter. Holding each other up. Drama at work, difficult parents, ditto. Tricky kids? Double ditto.
And for heaven’s sake, the fruit for breakfast. These women have known each other since school, there should be no pretence. They’ve parked their everyday selves for a week at a luxury spa with their alleged besties.
Day one, fruit, day two at the most. By day three they’d be at the pancake station like everyone else. They’re on holiday, Mike. Give them a goddamn break.
