By RICHARD BOOCK
If cups were to be awarded for things like Most Clouded Thinking or Biggest Waste of Space, then some of the New Zealand cricketers would have at least flown out of Wellington yesterday with something to show for their efforts.
Having received the coup de grace from Pakistan just before noon, New Zealand could reflect yesterday on their first series loss at home in four years, and one of the biggest test turnarounds since Stephen Fleming's side beat the West Indies at Hamilton in 1999-2000.
Their performance was an appalling mess of contradictions, a hotch-potch effort that carried fans to unexpected heights on the third day, before dropping them to speechless depths within an hour on the fourth.
But first the kudos for Pakistan, who have now won five of their most recent seven tests and appear to be developing strongly under the crafty eye of former test batting great Javed Miandad.
Regarded as one of the most unpredictable teams in world cricket, Pakistan lived up to their billing in this series, scratching and scrambling to stay in the game at times, and on other occasions placing the home side under enormous pressure.
Their top-order is exciting, the middle-order experienced and, although the tail is a bit long by contemporary standards, the extra bowling strike-power will often make up for any lack of runs.
And so it proved at the Basin, where New Zealand marched grandly through to a 170-run lead on the first innings before being mowed down by Shoaib Akhtar and friends, eventually losing so comprehensively that it was hard to imagine they were ever in command.
The meek capitulation will not be remembered fondly by the home side, least of all by a clutch of players who either looked out of form or were guilty of some dire decision-making, raising questions about possible changes for the upcoming series against South Africa.
The problems of opening batsman Lou Vincent have been well-documented, Richard Jones has proved unconvincing, and there must still be doubts over the future of Robbie Hart, despite the endorsements from coach John Bracewell.
Hart has kept tidily enough, but has not impressed with the bat, and it seems his ongoing retention might have more to do with the selectors' desire for Brendon McCullum to prove his worth, rather than any compelling form by the incumbent.
Then there was Craig McMillan, who batted as if he was at the Kerikeri Domain during both tests, bowled a pile of rubbish on Monday evening and, having run himself out at Hamilton, left Daryl Tuffey high and dry at Wellington.
Scott Styris received an awkward delivery in the first innings at Wellington, but was astonishingly loose in the second, and Fleming would have been mortified to fall to a brace of leg-before decisions, a dismissal he had been working on reducing.
Even the normally-restrained Mark Richardson was a disappointment, becoming established in both innings of the second test before losing his wicket to an aerial square drive and an ill-advised back-foot cut.
There were worse blunders during the game, notably Inzamam-ul-Haq's decision against extending the fourth day's play by eight overs, apparently because the relatively inexperienced test skipper was under the impression that Fleming had the power of veto.
It could have been one of the worst calls since Indian captain Mohammad Azharuddin inserted England at Lord's in 1990, and then watched from the field as Graham Gooch scored 333 in the home side's total of 653 for four declared.
It rained most of the night in Wellington and play was delayed by scattered showers yesterday morning, creating such a sense of urgency in Inzamam and Yousuf Youhana that the required 28 runs were wiped off in just four overs.
So blunder though it was, Inzy was still assured a peaceful sleep last night.
Whether New Zealand can put their mistakes behind them so quickly is another story.
Cricket: Back to the drawing board
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