Steve
FROM: >LAB-CHIEF-STAFF<
TO: >LAB-CAUCUS-LOYAL<
RE: Dirty Politics
This confounded rain, will it never stop? Book exposes National Party links to sewer-rat attack-blogger. Public punishes us. DC wins debate. Public punishes us. PM misleads public on Labour tax policy. Public punishes us. Terrifying to think what it will do for our polling if the Argentinians win tomorrow night.
No. There's only one thing for it. David, you must apologise for being Nicky Hager.
Matt
FROM: >GRN-TEAM-LDRS<
TO: >GRN-CAMPAIGN-COMMUNITY<
RE: inquiry?
There is no place for egotism in politics but just quietly we are deeply smug about outshining everyone in the debates. We have asked all the ombudsmen to investigate which party first demanded a full commission of inquiry into dirty politics, and have contacted every authority we can think of to request a thorough and transparent probe into the outcome. Following an internal inquiry we've clarified our position on the Whale Oil hacker. We accept the public interest argument, but to be honest it would be a lot cooler if there were co-hackers rather than just the one.
Russetiria
FROM: Pam@Corkery.com
TO: >Intermana-hightable<
RE: PULS
What a bunch of flibbertigibbets, lickspittles, tosspots. These pubescent so-called journalists have the temerity to tell me that my job is not to tell them what their job is. Pipsqueaks. Tell you what, we totally bossed that debate, blitzed the bastards. What else? Oh yeah: who the hell does Georgina Beyer think she is, Edward bloody Snowden? Speaking of which, you better have a thermonuclear flaming rabbit to pull out of your hat on September 15, Kimbo. The way things are going, we're just about borked unless you can produce MH bloody 370 live on stage.
PC xx
FROM: >THE RT HON WINSTON CHURCHILL PETERS<
TO: >THE RT HON WINSTON CHURCHILL PETERS<
RE: Winston
Think that's funny putting Winston Peters in a Chinese restaurant, do you? Well I'll tell you something. If it isn't obvious to you that Winston Peters won that debate then you must be a bit dim sum in the head. That's right. If you want to ask me about bottom lines, that's just fine, because New Zealand politics need to be cleansed of this poison and I won't budge from this position: it is a rock-solid, unequivocal, cast-iron guarantee that New Zealand First will not work with anyone who thinks that they can swan in here and start litigating deal-breakers and bottom lines before the people of New Zealand have had their say. That's what I'm telling you. Ha! Thank you very much.
Winston
FROM: YouKnowItMakesSense46@hotmail. com
TO: JamieWhyte@nothing.com, DaveyS@hi.co.nz
Hi-de-hi, bitches. You won the debate by a mile, Jamie, not that the great seething masses of pinko halfwits have the brain to see it. They'll come around. Dave, keep at it. We will not rest until you've pissed on every lamp-post in Epsom.
Prebbs
FROM: Colin@ColinsCons.co.nz
TO: Colin's Angels
RE: Winston
He just completely ignored me again. All I ask for is a smile, some tiny sign of recognition. I can't eat, can't sleep. It's tearing me up inside. Anyhow, listen guys - whoop, whoop, that's the sound of the victory siren! - we totally amazeballsed that debate. So good. Keep smiling!
Colin!!!
FROM: Brendanphwoaran@gmail.com
TO: ALole-Taylor@xtra.co.nz, Andy@AndrewWilliams.co.nz, ClaudetteHauiti@national.co.nz, Azzer11@aarongilmore.com
RE: Let's do it!
Who fancies a planning breakfast early October?
BH
FROM: Rawshark@me.com
TO: >NAT-INT-PARL<
RE: despicable
Colonic irrigation? That sounds serious.
Love you,
R x