English as she wrote

The next time you buy a car have a look at the specification list. There will be more TLAs (three-letteracronyms) than you can shake a stick at. Some might even make the car go better so bear that in mind when you're buying one.

As for Facebook and TXT SPK, well, OMG my BFF is OTT with ATS and all I can say is WTF? LOL is SO yesterday people (SYP). Why have so many acronyms crept into ubiquitous use and at whom or at what can we point the finger (PTF)?

According to an intense five minute Google search, abbreviated inscriptions have been found on ancient coins and Greek vases but acronyms don't have a particularly long pedigree. The increased use of this kind of bureaucratese can largely be blamed on the pointy heads of scientists and the flat helmets of American soldiers.

Jons Jacob Berzelius invented the one and two-letter system for chemical elements in 1813 and physicists thrived on acronymic insights like E=MC². That 19th century trickle of acronyms turned into a deluge with World War I - the most famous of which was AWOL - and by 1933, FDR became the first president to be universally recognized by his initials alone. It could also be said the FBI and CIA became the first government agencies to adopt initials as mainstream nomenclatures.

Still in America and it became trendy to shorten the word 'company' to CO and incorporate it into the title. Texas Oil Company as Texaco is an example. Today, some companies prefer not to be known by their full names to shed a negative connotation. Kentucky Fried Chicken is now officially KFC which gives rise to that other tendency - to translate an initial into another meaning. Think F for Fat.

There are slang-initialisms like SNAFU (situation normal all f****d up) that convert neatly to number-plate size in this country. Not that we're PTF over this but the FNDC is very familiar with this acronym because it's driven home constantly.

Truncated business-speak arrived with gusto into this crowded cowshed of abbreviated language. COOs and CEOs can't hold a conversation without them and as a way of delivering obfuscation. It might be waffle but they've crept into every day use because of an all-pervading sheep-like tendency to adopt trends. The hope is the younger generation, in the way of kids being kids and eschewing anything their parents might adopt as normal practice, will chuck this jargonese and invent something entirely different. If LOL is no longer choice BRO, what's next?

There are websites dedicated to translating these TLAs or FLAs or even FLAs which is confusing because both four and five start with F. We could adopt the Maori word for five - rima - and call it RLA but according to The Free Dictionary that could also mean Restricted Landing Area, Royal Liver Assessment or Russian Library Association.

Fourteen years into this century and initializing words, acronyms. pseudo blends and text-speak all appear to have morphed into a hybrid language and there ain't no rules of engagement (ROE). Since we have carte blanche, why not make some up?

In the fashion of J-LO (Jennifer Lopez) or ScarJo (Scarlett Johanssen) the FNDC Mayor becomes JOCA, Sabin is MISA and Hone is HOHA, ha ha ha.

Abbreviating State Highway 10 makes it SHIT which some might suggest is an accurate description. FYI (although this might be TMI) Am Not A Lawyer is ANAL. Or how about utilising acronymic slogans as marketing campaigns specific to the area? Sure U Can Kerikeri (SUCK) Paihia On Ocean (POO) Love It At Rangiputa (LIAR).

Well, you gotta start somewhere and the charge for filching these ideas from moi (CFFTI) can be truncated with negotiation.