SPORTRITE - The naked truth about our coaches

with Tim Eves
Caught up in the new wave of frank and open honesty that has swept through the nation post the Sydney rugby debacle, we have a burden to unload, a guilty secret that has been burning the conscience for a couple of months now.
Ready? Here goes ...
We really have it in for Black Sticks women's hockey coach Kevin Towns here at Sports Central.
That limey critter better win a medal, no dammit, a GOLD medal, after having the temerity to cut Charlotte Harrison off at the pass and dump her from the Beijing Olympic squad.
There. I said it.
If Wayne Smith - All Blacks rugby tactician - can sit in front of the media hordes and admit that he was "out-coached" and that was the reason why the All Blacks lost to Aussie last week, then we can join this tsunami of honesty as well.
You would think that Smith, who lost the job a few years back as All Blacks coach when he admitted he was struggling with the concept of coaching the best rugby team in the country, would have learnt that the truth don't necessarily pay the bills.
There's a few more "Sports Central truths" too, by the way.
How about this one: Sione Lauaki shouldn't just be cast off from wearing a black jersey again, he should be banished from touching anything black, be required to return his substantial XXXL-sized All Black's kit and be given permission to fly to Toulon at his leisure.
Maybe we could arrange a straight exchange.
The monsieurs at Toulon can have Lauaki, we'll have Jerry Collins back, thanks very much.
It seems this era of truth and reconciliation is sweeping the world too.
For the first time in, gee, ages we reckon, we have a drug cheat getting caught and - instead of standing up and denying all knowledge, blaming the testers, or simply jumping on a motorbike and hurtling off into rush hour traffic - the drug cheat stands up and says: Yup, I did it.
You could have knocked the drug testers over with a Beijing featherduster after that one.
Ricardo Ricco gets two-thirds of the way through Tour de France cycling hell, then gets popped for taking EPO, the blood oxygen booster, and gets kicked out of the race.
He then stands up and says: "During the tour they made a lot of tests, they made 10 tests in about 13 legs, two were positive and, in fact, in theory all the tests should have been positive."
Why? Because he took EPO before the tour started and, if the drug tests worked, he should have been busted on Day One. Not Day 13. Fair point. That's a two-year ban Mr Ricco.
Then there's the "truth" as seen by Beijing Olympic Games spokesman Sun Weide when asked why media could not access websites relating to the Falun Gong movement at the Beijing Olympic media centre.
He said it was an "evil cult" outlawed by the Chinese Government.
Errr, righto then.
But among all the truths, the best we have come across for a while is this one, uttered from the mouth of a Black Sticks men's hockey player on the promise of anonymity:
"If Charlotte Harrison isn't the best goal-scoring striker in the country then I will have a full body shave and run down Queen St naked."
Crikey. See, this naked truth trend isn't all it's cracked up, is it Kevin Towns?