SPORTRITE - Nobody brings in the bucks quite like Beckham ...

With Tim Eves
Just in case the succour of life under that rock has been so nurturing that coming out for a breather just hasn't been worth the effort, here's some news for ya: David Beckham is coming.
Which sounds like some sort of storm warning or civil emergency. Instead it has the foot-marblers among us drooling and prompted several round-ball code watchers to start writing the rugby union obituary.
This is the beginning of the end for the oval ball thugs, they reckon. Football (pronounced fut-bull of course) has long been poised to overtake rugby anyway, and the arrival of a superstar like Beckham is a nail in the coffin for all other winter codes.
Hell, such is the impact of Beckham the Bender that it is little wonder he had to fly in with the LA Galaxy team mates across the Tasman from Sydney to Wellington at all. Surely he could have walked.
Still, it is hard to argue when the mere mention of Beckham induces high-pitched shrieks usually reserved for a boy-band convention.
We are not entirely convinced that football's answer to Robbie Williams has the same impact, say, in Dargaville, as it is having in Wellington right now, but there is no doubting that the Beckham brand is a staggering sporting phenomenon.
When Beckham plays the Wellington Phoenix tomorrow there will be squeals when David Beckham limbers up, ambulances on stand-by for when David Beckham takes off his tracksuit top and a medivac team ready for the moment when David Beckham passes the ball 10 yards.
What odds on a general issue of Beckham ear muffs for when the boy really does something spectacular?
His global fame may be a triumph of marketing and good looks as much as talent, but the frenzy that Beckham attracts never ceases to amaze. A hall full of Japanese teachers and children burst into tears when he made a school visit during the 2002 World Cup finals and 80,000 people turned up to watch him play in Sydney this week.
The key point being that they turned up to watch him play. For the most part nobody seems to be all that interested in the game itself. When he lines up at the `Cake Tin' in Wellington tomorrow, the same rule will apply.
Will there be any serious debate about the attacking formation of the LA Galaxy? If the Phoenix win, will there be any discussion about the merits of the Australian A-League in comparison to the American Major League?
No, the talk in the grandstands will be centred on Beckham, his ankle, his hair, his recently released brand of perfume (sorry, we mean cologne), the Spice Girls and the hair....again.
David Beckham is, quite simply, a human cash register. He proved it in Sydney on Tuesday night, and he will prove it again tomorrow.
Amid all the euphoria, though, there is a warning.
Beckham is unique. Nobody else sells like he does. No one.
If Beckham comes back, the novelty value won't be the same. And there's nobody else with the same commercial magnetism.
The Phoenix are on the brink of New Zealand football attendance records, thanks to Brand Beckham; nobody can argue with that.
But it might take more than a good hairdo and some nice-smelling perfume to convince the rugby thugs who own the national game here that Beckham dug their grave - just by turning up.