RUGBY - Put away your daggers, we're now back in line

Launching into week three of an enormous club programme that will conclude some time in the semester after the next one, the Northland club rugby championship has begun with two potentially explosive upsets that would normally have been splattered all over the sports pages.
But for one tiny detail that is. Well a couple actually.
Now this might take a bit of explaining, so bear with us for a moment.
Week one, a round of rugby that is usually preceded by long winded predictions about who has defected to whom and why, with detailed explanations as to the possible ramifications as well, took place at about the same time as Asafa Powell was winning the 100-metre race at the Melbourne Cricket Ground to pick up a Commonwealth Games gold medal.
Had we known Kamo was simultaneously dissecting Waipu we would have politely asked a volunteer at the Games to tune the big screen at the MCG into the Northland club rugby television channel to bring you expert analysis of this remarkable feat.
But sadly we were none the wiser, and anyway, it appeared as if nobody in Melbourne had heard of a sport called rugby union. If you can remember that long ago, the satellite wasn't working either.
Gremlins were everywhere.
Then last week Mid Northern demolished their rural neighbours, Hikurangi, in what might yet be their biggest victory of the year to come, in the process staking a claim as true title contenders after three seasons as semifinals bridesmaids.
This too should have prompted much fanfare and brainstorming, headline-writing seminars, but for the fact that, while Hikurangi were being put to the sword at Hukerenui, the rugby division of the sports department was still negotiating with customs officials at Auckland International Airport.
Yes I did pack my own bags. Umm, I think that's talcum powder I spilt in my toilet bag. Since when do they issue warrants for your arrest for unpaid parking fines?
Short of claiming diplomatic immunity, or simply legging it through customs to arrive at Sid Going's backyard at Mid Northern just in time for the bar to close, there wasn't much chance of providing much more information than a brief, but albeit very entertaining, post- match pitch report.
Dry matter about 3.5, penetrometer reading at about 2.6, no sign of clover weevil but some disturbing evidence of body fluids.
But where there is folly there might yet be fortune.
Having been forced to sully one's reputation with totally unfounded predictions of doom for this club and glory for the other, we can now bring you a much more detailed prediction as to the likely outcome of this year's much-anticipated club rugby competition. At least the first two rounds of it anyway.
Kamo, thanks to the arrival of a coach by the name of Peter Gleeson, is likely to start the season full of confidence thanks in no small way to the return of Hayden Taylor and Tony Monaghan.
The last time Taylor and Monaghan were listed on the same team sheet at Kamo headquarters they won a title. From memory that was in the last millennium.
Gleeson, it must be noted, is the son of former All Blacks coach Jack Gleeson. Jack coached in the last millennium as well, but not at Kamo.
Mid Northern too must be rated as a big chance of making an impressive start to the club programme as they have just welcomed back Brian Going.
Not as a player you understand, although if he did play there are suspicions he wouldn't be the oldest bloke to lace up his boots in a Northland club game in recent times.
No, Brian Going is coaching the scarlet runners this year.
There are huge plans up north this season where Awanui are celebrating their centenary - that's 100 years in case you were wondering.
They have managed to regain the services of Vula Maimuri, the former Blues flanker, and in the process shipped in most of Maimuri's rugby-playing mates of Fijian extraction.
Even if they don't get the best start to their season, which is likely as they have a relatively new team to try to mould together, they will be a threat all season.
Look out for Hora Hora, the defending champions, too. There are rumours Glenn Taylor, of Northland, Blues, Chiefs, Hurricanes and All Black rugby fame, has found his boots again.
If he has, Hora Hora will be a force ... as always.
And what of Waipu, who have Kevin Lewis back as coach and his contacts with the Auckland rugby scene to workover for imported talent?
Well, they lost to Kamo, but then beat Wellsford in what somebody said was a pretty good game. He was a life member at Waipu though.
Where does that leave Wellsford? Angry most likely. Determined probably. Dangerous as a result, with a big stack of unheralded but tidy players in their stable now.
Hikurangi are perennial achievers, cannot be ignored, and have gained some significant talent in the off season in flanker Joel McKenty to join the promising Brad Christensen in the loose forwards but might not have the backs to pull off a title this year.
Who knows where Marist are at. They have talked Donny Stevenson into coaching, part-time that is, but don't appear to be as organised as they need to be.
But then they never are, and they keep appearing at the business end of the campaign.
Don't bet the life savings on Otamatea. They have copped two fearsome hidings already, and might be in for a long, long season.
Put the odd sly green back on the Western Sharks though, they love their rugby code in Dargaville, and it shows.