This is the way Justin Collins tells it, so it must be fair dinkum.
But as a portent of what was to come, this must prove that first impressions don't always count, especially as it is a description of the very first time Collins, the man more commonly known as "Gus" played a game of rugby.
"Hayden Taylor was in the team, so my first game was with Haggis. It was about under-12s or something, when you're supposed to know what's going on anyway. But they put me on the wing, as you would the skinny white Australian who just arrived in town.
"I got the ball and I was so disorientated I stopped, panicked, turned around, I am pretty sure I ran the other way and then stopped again and threw the ball forward. Haggis, I still remember him, was yelling at me, screaming, to pass him the ball and I threw it forward to him," Collins said.
"It gives me nightmares, even now, but there's nothing I can do about it," he said.
Whoever pointed out which direction rugby players were meant to run and pass that day must have made quite an impact.
These days Collins is known as one of the most reliable and talented rugby players in the game. Which makes tomorrow's event all the more notable.
When Collins leads the Northland team out to tackle Counties-Manukau in Whangarei tomorrow he plays his 100th game for the province, joining an elite batch of Northland's finest rugby players in the process.
Now 32, it has been a long and distinguished career for Collins, who started his Northland career with an international match against France and is now the captain - and charismatic one at that - who boasts more than 200 first-class games, including 47 for Auckland, 70 for the Blues and reaches three figures for Northland today.
When Collins made his debut for Northland it was as a No.8, a position at the time whose archetypal figurehead was All Blacks legend Wayne Shelford.
The thinking then was that the No.8 had to be a beast on legs, able to smash his way forward in the tight.
In those terms Collins didn't quite fit the mould. Weighing in a touch over 95kg, Collins made a name for himself as a ball-running loose forward who had something different to add.
It was obviously a style that made a big impression. In short time Collins was in the NZ Colts, shortly after that picked up for a season with the Chiefs and not long after started a lengthy career with the Blues and Auckland.
In between times was selection to the NZ A team, an offer to try out for the Wallabies who had learned he was born in Tasmania, and more recently leading Auckland in a game against the British and Irish Lions.
It was in 2000 that Collins decided to move to Auckland to experience the life of a professional rugby player. He was soon made captain of Auckland, and is now regarded as one of the most influential players to have worn the famous blue and white hoops.
But through it all Collins never had any doubts about his real rugby heritage. He was always a Northlander. And even the day he left Northland for Auckland, he had his sights set on 100 games for the province.
"The whole time I was away I had been wanting to play 100 for Northland. When I went I thought I was on about 94 games, but on coming back the guys told me it had shrunk to 83, so I knew it would take a couple of seasons to knock it up. I understand from a few of the senior players the re-calculated amount of games knocked a few off the total. There's quite a few boys that are 10 or 11 short of what they thought they were."
"I am pretty proud to get to this stage. Just looking at the honours board inside there there's some pretty outstanding rugby players and outstanding men on that board and I'm pretty proud to be there now as well."
Tomorrow's game against Counties-Manukau kicks off at 2.30pm.
RUGBY - First impressions wrong as Gus clocks up 100
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