Wyn Drabble: Headlines real or just lures?

Wyn Drabble, teacher at Havelock North High School and a Hawke's Bay Today columnist. PHOTO/Warren Buckland

Aglance at the headlines on an online "news" service can raise a few questions. Is this really what people want to know or is it an attempt to lure the vulnerable?

I can't say for sure but I do presume they have done their research and know what their audience wants.

I know they aim to be more magazine-style than pure news but the content is still ... well ... interesting. To make my point clearer I have invented a little game for you.

What fun!

I am going to present to you some headlines and stories in brief. Your job is to identify which were real headlines/stories on the day I chose to visit this site and which I have simply made up for the purpose of mockery. All will be revealed at the end.

Ready? Here goes.

Dolly Parton has at least one wig for every day of the year.

Proving that she focuses on more than just two of her body parts, Dolly said her flamboyant image has "saved" her life.

She says she is no "natural beauty" so loves dressing up to help her feel good.

Britney Spears has been pranked by her son.

The 11-year-old jumped out and frightened her while his 10-year-old brother filmed it.

It worked well because Britney screamed and fell to the ground.

Nicole Kidman has revealed that her eldest adopted children (23-year-old Isabella and 21-year-old Connor) are interested in finding out who their real parents are.

That is the end of this news item about Nicole Kidman.

A dolphin has jumped on to a boy's surfboard in Western Australia.

Jed Gradisen, 13, jumped off his board to escape the flying mammal.

The board was damaged but the boy and the dolphin escaped unhurt. Police are investigating.

No, wait a minute, I don't think they are. I might be getting confused with another story.

Yes, that's right. It's this one.

Hockey Australia has terminated its contract with Hockeyroos head coach Adam Commens, after allegations that he exposed himself to team members (only they called it "serious misconduct").

Hockey Australia said it would make no further comment on the matter.

Thirty-year-old model Chrissy Teigen only goes on dates to dark restaurants.

That way, when she goes out with husband, John Legend, she can get away with bad make-up.

Before going out, she will ask her husband, "Is it bright there?".

If the answer is affirmative, alternative arrangements might have to be made.

Note: No dolphins were harmed during the preparation of the dim lighting.

Police might also be interested in this one: American actress Jamie Chung claims that her husband Bryan Greenberg "steals" her beauty products. He is "like a thief" because he uses her stuff and asks for beauty tips "all the time".

Former Baywatch star, Pamela Anderson, now 49, has posed nude for Playboy because her son told her to.

He is reported as saying, "Mom, you've got to do it!". So she did.

So how did you go? Which ones did I just make up to highlight my point?

Oops! We must delay the answer for this late-breaking item just in.

Adam Levine and Brinhati Prinsloo have just given birth to a baby dolphin ... oops, sorry ... a baby girl and they have named her Dusty Rose.

And so to the answer. I'm sorry to say that all of those were true and I'll leave you to decide what that says about certain media or about consumer requirements.

In closing, however, I would like the opportunity to make up a story, given that I had no chance to be creative in the previous paragraphs.

Donald and Hillary secret love nest exposed.

And that is the end of the news.

- Wyn Drabble is a teacher of English, a writer, musician and public speaker.