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Home / Northern Advocate

WeekEnder column: Don't try this at home

By Craig Cooper, editor
Northern Advocate·
22 Aug, 2011 01:19 AM3 mins to read

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I HAVE been at one with

the animals this week.

In fact, so at one _ you

could almost say I have

been at two.

Certainly, there have been

two definitive incidents, during

which experienced

unprecedented ``one-ness''.

By the way, by ``the

animals'', I mean the

menagerie of domestic pets
my

wee family has accumulated in

the past few years. Two cats,

two guinea pigs, and a dog.

For someone who has only

 ever allowed a cat into the

house, that's a menagerie.

Let's start with the cat

incident.

The cat's name is Zoey.

Zoey has a fur ball, and

therefore, an annoying habit of



occasionally vomiting after she

has eaten or drunk water.

I flopped face down on my bed

this week, and lay there, one side

of my face against the duvet. A

warm sensation and a whiff of

salmon touched my cheek. Sadly, I

had flopped face down in Zoey's

vomit, which soaked nicely into

my beard.

She would have done this five

or six times in the last month,

always on our duvet.

If the latest dose of cat laxative

doesn't work, we're off to the vet.

Via the drycleaners.

 

 

The second incident which

brought me close to the animals,

requires a little more background.

I have a soft spot for my daughter's

guinea pigs _ Mr Mo (short for

mohawk) and Mr Moo Moo.

Mr Mo indeed has a mohawk, I

am unsure of the origins of Mr Moo

Moo's name.

I am fond of these little

creatures despite Mr Mo once

biting me on the finger so hard that

I bled, and had to look guinea pig

rabies up on the internet.

Thankfully, no such thing exists.

Anyway, due to the recent

frosty nights and mornings, I have

taken to bringing the guinea pigs

_ who live in a hutch in our lawn

_ inside for the night.

This week, I felt particularly at

one with Mo and Moo Moo.

A glass of red wine and a couple



of chunks of duty free Toblerone

chocolate had contributed to my

sense of well being, and soon we

had the guinea pigs out of the box

for a cuddle.

By the way, my wife retrieved

the guinea pigs from the lawn the

first night we decided to bring

them in, and had panicked because



she gently poked them, and

they didn't respond. She

thought they were frozen to

death _ turned out they were

asleep.

Back to my story.

The guinea pigs went back

in their box and I rose up off the

couch, scooping up a couple of

chunks of stray Toblerone off

the couch and popping them in

my mouth.

Alas, twas not Toblerone.

I can state with some

authority that guinea pig poo

has a firm, fudgelike texture,

and a nutty, slightly muddy

flavour. It does not taste like

Toblerone.

Given my one-ness with the

cats and the guinea pigs this

week, I will be steering clear of

the dog this weekend.

 

 

 

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