Vaughan Gunson: Brave young voices tackle sexual harassment and gender violence issues

One thing I now appreciate is the extent to which women, and girls, have a lingering fear of men in everyday situations, like walking on city streets, says Vaughan Gunson. Photo / Getty Images

One of the recurring themes of relationship advice is to listen. Not always an easy thing to do. Our egos and selfishness can get in the way.

But if you want a relationship to work, then listening is something you should probably do.

Which is why men, collectively, should be listening to what women are saying in the wake of Grace Millane's murder and the terrible statistics on domestic violence in New Zealand.

Though it's not listening, strictly, I'd suggest, it's actually reading. In the wake of the #MeToo Movement, there's been a flourishing of passionately written opinion pieces and articles by women in the mainstream media.

Some young female writers, in particular, have been fearless in communicating exactly what they think and feel.

I've been in awe of the writing. Confirming a belief that there's a strong link between the quality of a creative output and the intensity of feeling the author or artist has for their subject.

As a result of this great writing, I've come to understand things I didn't before.
Experiences have been retold which would have been unlikely to come up in everyday conversation. That's the power of the written word.

One thing I've come to appreciate more is the extent to which women, and girls, have a lingering fear of men in everyday situations, like walking around our city streets.

Verity Johnson, in one of her columns for the Sunday Star Times, argued that at night, men should cross the road when a woman on her own approaches.

Reading this, I did have some initial resistance. Really, this is what I need to do?

But not long afterwards, when I was in Auckland to catch up with friends, I took a direct route on foot from the city centre to Parnell via the Auckland Domain.

Running late and not sure where to go, I was blundering along a path that went through quite dense bush on the outskirts of the Domain, not far from the railway track that runs in a gully parallel to the Parnell Rise.

I found myself walking behind a young woman. Verity Johnson's column advice came back to me, and I realised that maybe the young woman in front of me was fearful of the footsteps on the gravel track in the darkening light of the evening with no one else around.

I immediately slowed down and decided to take another path, different from the one she was on. For that moment I had some empathy for the woman I didn't know.

This was a small thing, but the bigger point I want to make is that reading what women have had to say — their fears, anger and passion for change — can lead to greater empathy and awareness. It has for me.

A consistent point made by women is the need to educate our sons. With that in mind, I think teenagers should be reading and discussing in class some of the columns written by women over the last year dealing with sexual harassment and gendered violence.

There's a quality resource easily accessible to teachers that could make a difference to our young men growing up in a complex social environment.