My on-again off-again relationship with Vogue was challenged again this week, but we really must accept that Anna Wintour, that skinny paragon of thin-lipped elegance, is never wrong.
What a relief, because when Kim Kardashian made it to the American issue's latest cover in a pavlova frock, her upper torso oozing out of it like flesh-coloured whipped cream, I thought I was having a bad day.
It's disturbing when you find that famous people have actual flesh. It conjures up thoughts of body odour and dental floss when you thought they were all plastic. Others have condemned Wintour's choice of cover girl; Twitter has sprung into action; but she rules from a tall ladder.
I try, then, to keep up with whatever she declares to be hip, ironic and edgy, bowing to her wisdom, stomach sucked in as best I can, which is neither as easy as it sounds, nor as effective as I could wish.
Finding the relevance of Vogue isn't always easy, either, when your body has never been the shape and size of a toddler's crayon. But a copy of the glossy is really a trip to fantasyland, where you are, in your imagination, a crayon person with hair splayed out on an exotic beach, or brandishing a $50,000 handbag like a threat against insolent beggars.