Nickie Muir: Time to run a fine rule over political rhetoric

Nickie Muir.

"Say what you mean and say it like you mean it".

She was one of those grumpy teachers who you fight with at the time and really love when you look back. I've been thinking of her because increasingly things are not what they seem and with the growth in PR merchants, things are definitely not what they say they are.

I've started a list - to better help define the terms to negotiate the world.

• Head-hunted. As in: "I was head-hunted for the position." This is not strictly true if you were employed by someone you already know who has secured an influential role in public service and with whom you have worked in your home country. This is called "jobs for the boys" or, alternatively, nepotism.

• Ecologically friendly insinkarator. Just because you can't see it doesn't mean it has gone. Mushing stuff up and sending it down the sink takes a lot of water and creates more methane. We're in NZ, we can compost. Unfortunately no one makes any money by selling you an abandoned corner in your garden and so there is no television advertising for this amazing new invention.

• Ten page party political manifestos that are dribbled out over a period of 10 weeks. No wonder young people don't vote - who even knows what they say let alone what they mean.

• "Community development and social engagement course." From a mining company that teaches executives how to avoid any form of locals gaining knowledge of a project or how it will affect them.

• " I don't mean to pry but " Yes you do. Own it.

• "I only apologise for really serious stuff." John Key's John Wayne moment. Apparently a lacklustre response to the way a sexual assault case was handled does not qualify.

• "We're looking into it." A sure sign they are not.

• "We will launch an independent investigation." We will appoint rubber stampers with vested interests to make it all go away.

• "This was a one-off mistake." We know there's a pattern but that admission will be expensive and inconvenient.

• "We are engaged in a constructive ongoing conversation." You keep talking. We'll keep doing what the hell we like.

• Fox news. On everything. An entire channel in English that needs subtitles in common sense.

• Speaking of which: Winston Peters.

• "There is no reason why mining minerals with toxic collateral in Australia and in Northland should be any different. It's a matter of good management." I'd like to see the management plan for last week's rainfall.