Nickie Muir: The pinnacle of our evolution

A Pokemon reveals itself as commuters walk on by. Photo / Michael Craig

The digital enlightenment has arrived and it has brought unto us ... Pokemon? Really?

And the point of the game is to loiter round other peoples' gardens and public spaces in order to kill imaginary beings on a phone? Having trouble with this concept and realising that I really have become my Nana, the small people are patient in explaining.

I'm struggling.

I nearly lost a job once for killing a tamagotchi. Remember them?

Teaching a group of Japanese adolescents with Hello Kitty pencil cases and all "feeding" their imaginary pets in class time I finally lost the plot and confiscated the offending bit of plastic which meant that the tamagotchi imaginary beast died a horrible but rather silent death by starvation and general neglect.

There is no good way to continue a conversation, which begins with a director of studies asking you if you have in fact killed a child's pet.

Seriously; we've come through thousands of years of civic development, weathered two world wars, nineties hair-styles, whipped cream in cans, trickle-down theory and the rise of watching rich pointless housewives do, well, absolutely nothing useful except promote the overseas plastic surgery business, on TV for our entertainment.

In a world which faces the potential for a 10-metre sea-level rise if the Greenland ice sheet melts, which it seems intent on doing, and where a fair chunk of one the world's most powerful nation think that Donald Trump as president is the answer to whopping inequality and gun violence, we use all our digital and technological know-how to come up with ... zapping 21st century unicorns on our phones?

Yeah. I can see where we're going with this.

Pokemon and all the creatures represent bad forces.

Bear with me; Pokemon is the animated evil of our own dark ages. By witch-hunting imaginary creatures we can isolate and disempower our own anxieties and fears about a world over which we have little control and often feel unable to influence, thereby creating temporary and illusory happiness.

Wait - there's more cheap psychology based on absolutely no evidence to come!

Jigglypuff is in fact the devil. If you Google Jigglypuff's Song (and I strongly suggest you do) it is patently obvious that Jigglypuff is Lucifer. Why else those little pink horns?

Our worst fears were forecast from the'90s! It all makes sense now.

"Pikachu is a short chubby rodent Pokemon covered in yellow fur, classified as a quadruped but known to sometimes get up on its hind legs and spout unintelligible noises of over-excitement.

"It has been observed eating and sometimes destroying microphones and other electrical equipment. Pikachu has been known to build up energy in its glands, and will need to discharge to avoid complications.

"When threatened, it loses electric charges from its sacs, and can cause lightning storms. Pikachu leaves scorched earth as a sign of its presence."

It is all so terribly clear to me now.

We are in end days and Pikachu is none other than The Donald.