Nickie Muir: Signal agreement, Pakehas

What do we want? We don't know! When do we want it? Now!

Thanks for that people. I'm really excited to welcome you all here to the inaugural meeting of the Pakeha Party.

Can we all have a little show of hands with our hand signal? That's right. Just bend your thumbs and then form two "Ps". Nice. Pakeha Party. Pakeha Power.

I like to do this sign out the window while driving past groups of pedestrians - we got really enthusiastic responses from people especially in the Hokianga and in Ruatoria which was nice. So yay for us.

Now some people are saying we are a rashust group. I think that's deeply unfair after all - if you can have a Marree party I see no reason why we can't celebrate our inner Pakeha and give value to some our own taonga. Things like the trailer and tinned spaghetti.

We too have our tikanga - ritualistic mowing of lawns on Sundays and achieving consensus in the way that is so cherished in things like the Westminster parliamentary system.

Let's get real. Those cultures that take so long discussing everything for 10 years until everyone is to a greater, or lesser, extent with the programme, are fundamentally backward.

A nice, clean decision the way of the 51 per cent means a quick conclusion is reached and we can all move on. That leaves the other 49 per cent plenty of time to hate the winners' guts and spend the next 10 years undermining every decision they make so that they can get to the glorious position of having that other 2 per cent back on their team. That way the people who sit in the swinging 2 per cent get truckloads of power and get to push through decisions that nobody but the three people who vote for them actually wants. Ask Winston. He's made a career out of it. Obviously far more efficient.

Now for all of you "others" and here I mean the South Americans. In answer to your question: "If I want to join the Pakeha Party do I have to dance like one?" I would like to say that a) I do not approve of your racial stereotyping and b) No.

Of course in order to achieve everything that Maori have gained over the last 200 years, we're going to have to get someone to come in and take most land from us in return for the rights and responsibilities divested by some foreign dignitary.

We can spend the next 100 or so years ignoring that agreement and then a further 20 or 30 negotiating about 1 per cent of the land back again.

Woohoo! That's going to feel so good. So it is obvious it is time to put an end to "Us" and "Them".

We, in the Pakeha Party say: "Move on as one nation and like the Republic of Orewa, declare that everyone else must become 'US'. Or Else.

"Because if you're Not Us - you're separatist and therefore Against Us. And you know, negotiated consensus that encompasses difference is just not how we roll."

Can we all do the hand signal now? Pakeha Power! Yay! Everybody dance now!