Nickie Muir: Proving just so hard to resist

New Zealand needs a more distinctive flag. Photo/Thinkstock

Local women respond to news that a new chapter of the neo-Nazi group, the Right Wing Resistance, is opening in Northland just before Waitangi Day and mobilise to save the flag.

"Rise up. OK. You can sit down if you like. If you could just put your jack-boots on girls? No? Oh all right. I'm sure our leader Kyle wouldn't mind you being in your jimjams.

"We'll send him the pics of us in camo gear later. This is my first time leading a Right Wing Resistance meeting so I'm a bit nervous. Tea anyone? Pikelets? Right. It seems I've been spending too much time with my 'disgusting lefty multi-cultural immigrant mates' and apparently it's got to stop. (I probably shouldn't admit it, but I've had rather a good time ... foreigners can be fun.)

"I've just received an email from Kyle Chapman - our favourite skinhead on the home front and he's upset about John Key and his "Mongolian Monstrosity", the new silver fern logo on the flag. I didn't know that the silver fern came from Mongolia and I have to agree with Kyle that the idea of branding a country under the NZ Inc corporate logo seems a bit, well, naff. When I was a "moronic multi-culturalist", I used to think the old flag wasn't distinctive enough and we needed something new. Key's "two options" however, feels like being a toddler again. You know, when a mum offers either the pumpkin or the spinach to make the kid feel like they have some agency in their lives. It also seems a bit mean to tell all those old guys who show up at dawn parades that the symbol of their loyalty and sacrifice could be changed. Just like that.

"It suggests the ideals represented might be changed just as easily and it won't be too long before we send young guys out to fight for nothing more than a company logo. A bit cheap. Anyway - Kyle wants to keep the old flag and he does have a point: referendums are irrelevant to Key anyway.

We'd probably get the American flag with a little extra South Pacific star in the corner when we weren't looking.

"I am happy though that up here in Northland there is a new branch of the Right Wing Resistance opening up. The Northern Wolves run by Shane. I'm just wondering how they're going to get on with the other gangs and was thinking a little get-together might be nice. Or would that be a bit multi-cultural? So hard to keep up. Who to hate. Who to exclude.

"Which is why I thought we ladies might get together and form the Northern Hamsters to help the Wolves along. We could make quizzes for new entrants like: "Do you like Marrees?' Immigrants? Do you like women? (Be careful here - the answer should be 'yes', but not so much - because it's important to denounce gayness where we find it.) You see? So much work to do. So ladies - let's hear it. Heil Hamsters. More pikelets?"