Nickie Muir: Oh nomeo ... show's x-rated

Nickie Muir.

'Wow! Hey? Where are all the Maori at?"

He was looking round the audience and noting Asians and Pakeha at the Pop-Up Globe production of Romeo and Juliet, and realising that if I was still his Toto - neither of us were in either Kansas or Kaeo now. I don't think he had realised how loud he'd said it and when I'd finished giggling I admitted I'd had the same reaction the last time I went to a kapahaka competition and wondered where all my whitey homies were at.

Do we have an apartheid appreciation of art in New Zealand? Is it appropriate to have Romeo and Juliet as a text in primary schools given the bawdy nature of the production they'd just witnessed? Why do pakeha female teachers spend five hours of a van trip endlessly debating the aspects of a theatre production and sound like they're going to punch each other out but are still friends?

How come the people in the top layers of the Globe were getting served food - and how come it looked like they were just hanging out with their friends instead of paying attention to the show? They paid how much for a ticket?!!

How come there were so many kids in the audience when it was pretty x-rated?

How come Mercutio never seemed to get any when he was, like, so obviously the man - and then that scene with the nurse ... what the hell was that about?

Why didn't the groundlings (obvious disappointment here) throw food? Would I have let them join in if they had started throwing food? (Answer: No - but I felt like throwing it at Romeo for being such an emo.)

Why did Romeo seem like he could swing both ways?

Why would "biting your thumb" at someone even be insulting? Why was Romeo such an emo anyway - locking himself in his room and being so lame about Rosalind - it's not like he ever even really bothered talking to either of the girls, about anything. (The girls' response.)

Tickets to the Globe? $ 20 per student. Petrol: $200. Time: Five hours driving down. Five hours driving back (seemed shorter - teenagers all sleeping like babies. Shakespearean English and thinking obviously hard work.)

Two teachers and a Saturday that possibly could have been used washing laundry, and hanging with family - one argument with whanau to that effect.

Re: writing the NCEA assessment so it better tests their experience: three hours. Listening to kids animatedly discussing all of the above and questioning a) teacher's choice in appropriate texts given the lewd nature of the production (are you guys serious?! I hear what you say you've been watching online and my ears are still bleeding. b) whether it would end badly if you were to go out on the town with a character like Mercutio and at what point one should bail before it would likely end in getting in trouble with the cops and c) "roasting" each other in Shakespearean English. Priceless.