When Gareth Morgan becomes emperor I hope he makes an imperial decree to banish all felines from the fair isles of Noo Zelund. But in all honesty, I'm getting a bit sick of Gareth. Not only does he not know when to call it quits on Movember, he insists on improving our lives in every way from our pensions to the air we breathe. Does this man not sleep?
It seems vaguely intrusive to have our destructive and flibbertigibbet ways paraded before us while he and his paragon of a paramour, Joan, burn up carbon credits on their motorcycles somewhere exotic to save more children. Closely followed by a TV One camera crew of course.
If we misbehave in his absence, you just know he'll make us watch the slide show again. It also seems to go against every economist's inclination to follow in Gareth and Joan's puritanical pilgrimage to a better life. Joan exhorted us on Radio New Zealand recently to bake banana cakes and give them to friends. What multi-millionaire in their right mind would give banana cakes to their friends and think they'd get away with it? I hate to break it to you Joan but your friends just think you're cheap but are too scared to tell you in case you make them watch the slides of you guys riding bikes somewhere again.
At this point, I'm really happy Gareth and Joan aren't Shiites or Amish Christian fundamentalists. They would have done surveys by now to prove women would be better off in burquas or that we should all go back to horse-drawn carriages to ward off climate change and save the oceans. Just imagine how long their slide shows of their Silk Road trips would take then.
I hope Gareth and Joan's large dairy unit in Brazil wasn't formed from cutting down Amazonian rain forest and is carbon neutral. I'm sure it is. And I hope that Joan doesn't beat other people who might genuinely need second-hand furniture to the good stuff at the inorganic collections - that would be annoying and embarrassing.