Nickie Muir: Hey Jude did you let them under your skin?

Nickie Muir

SOMEWHERE on a tropical island faraway.

"Jude! What are you doing here?"

"Shane! What a surprise! I said you'd come over to our side! Have a Kit Kat!"

"Aahh you've got a lot of them."

"Mmm. Winston sent me a container full. The card read: 'Hey Jude. Take a Break. A really big one.' His idea of a joke. I'm just trying to remember something mean about him. I'll have my people research his past and then leak it."

"Jude. The press are not your friends."

"No, but I can make them very sorry that they're not."

"Jude. You're being silly."

"That's my word Shane. But I'll let you off - thanks for the tip about the swamp kauri."

"Yeah about that. The illegal draining of wetlands has annoyed people up North. Not that I care but apparently there's rare stuff there - birds and stuff."

"I don't like birds. They're vile and wrong. And they wear ugly jackets."

"That was Metiria."

"Oh for goodness sake Shane. Do I look like the Minister of Swamps? Do I look like I give a kiore's derriere?"

"It's just that the deal was to get some token work for locals - you know that any kind of mining gets a bad rap and we have to at least pretend there's something in it for the community. It looked bad that the guy who was going to testify against the saw millers ended up roughed up on his way to court. It looked worse that his ACC files got leaked to his employer and he got fired."

"Shane. Do I look like the Minister of ACC to you?"

"Aah ... you are the Minister of ACC Jude."

"Look Shane. I've been around. I have a broad understanding of society. I've travelled. I was in China recently. With real people. Powerful and wealthy people. Not hanging round in vile swamps. I did Europe once."

"What about Dallas?"

"Another girl. Another movie. You're being very silly Shane.

"Hi ho hi Ho it's off to work I go."

"Simon Bridges! What are you doing here?

"John sent me on a chartered helicopter - which is a special flying machine Jude."

"You idiot. You don't need to talk to me like I'm brain damaged. I'm not the New Zealand public, Simon."

"Sorry - where the hell are we? I'd better set out the mining survey pegs."

"Aah. Simon this is a world heritage site. Also it's not ours." Says Shane.

"Details. It's important that we all move forward. To a bright future."

"Atta boy!" says Jude with a fist pump. "Bugger! It's a bunch of bloody dolphins in the harbour!"

"What are you doing?" asks Shane.

"Ringing my aerial culling company to get rid of them. They're scaring the fish from my new investment; Oravida Tuna."

"Jude! You can't cull dolphins. There'll be an outcry."

"Shane. Do I look like the Minister of Dolphins to you?

"Kit Kat anyone?"