Anyway.
So. Here we are not even two weeks into 2022 and I've had enough of the rigid lifestyle required. I'm just going to buy a bigger shirt.
I've only been able to negotiate a partial cessation of the discipline required to tackle my resolutions though. Mrs P still wants me to get a lot more exercise.
Actually, it's really not a bad thing to focus on.
Out of the blue recently I got some scary health news and, along with some other medical expenses guaranteed to keep the specialists in expensive fine wine for a few months, I need to work on my fitness.
To that end, we have joined the current craze and are looking into the purchase of an e-bike.
To those of you unfamiliar with them, an e-bike is basically a bike with an electric motor that makes arduous cycling er, well, a little less arduous.
So, there we are at the bike shop, me having kittens over the price of one bike, when Mrs P decides she would quite like one too.
It would be fair to say my heart skipped a beat or two which, as previously indicated, would not be a good thing for the health of Yours Truly right now.
Obviously, we needed to talk things through and so we headed for our nearest favourite walking place.
So, now we're walking and talking. We haven't gone 50 yards when there's an almighty crash behind us at the entrance to the park.
On the ground, upside down, is a woman of, say, 60. And she has a lime green e-bike on top of her.
Naturally we rush over and make sure she's okay, lifting the bike off her as Mrs P dons her Super Nurse uniform – now there's a thought for her upcoming birthday – and runs through the medical checklist.
It seems the woman has broken no bones but suffered only a bruised ego in the pile up. She tells us this is the first time she's been on her new bike and she's still getting used to it. Then she tells us she's only just recovered from a broken foot so is out trying to recapture some fitness.
I'm tempted to ask her how many fingers I'm holding up, which is the extent of my knowledge of what to do in such medical emergencies, but Mrs P seems to have everything sorted and we help get her back and board and send her on her way again.
We hadn't even made it back to our original starting point when we heard another crash behind us.
This time the woman had started to ride back towards her car when a tree jumped out in front of her. Once again, she was upside down with the e-bike on top of her.
By this time, I thought it best to suggest maybe she should call it a day and head home. She agreed and walked back to her car pushing the lime green cause of her consternation.
Eventually Mrs P and I completed our walk and a decision was made. We would buy two e-bikes. And to fund it I would go without gin and she would never set foot in Briscoes again for the rest of our lives – yeah right.
We hopped in the car and drove round the corner, heading back to the bike shop, where we came across a minor traffic incident.
It seems a lime green e-bike had not been secured tightly enough to the rack on the rear of a certain car and was now looking a bit dented and scratched on the side of the road.
And standing over it was a lady of around 60 with an expression which suggested she'd had more than enough of this particular bike and you could stick the craze where the sun doesn't shine.
We stopped to help again and I made sure the bike was properly secured before she drove off.
We haven't made it back to the bike shop yet. I'm in no rush.
To be honest I'm employing a delaying tactic for a few days.
I'm thinking a certain lime green e-bike with a few dents and scratches might come up cheap on line very soon and I might be able to grab it for Mrs P and save a few bob.
