Kevin Page: Kevin made my skin crawl

Kevin Page.

Let me just make it clear from the outset I am the world's biggest sook when it comes to creepy crawlies, lizards and the like.

It is the sole reason why I have been to Australia just once in my 53 years and also the reason why I will never take up that invitation from the old schoolmates who live in Brisbane to go over and stay for a State of Origin rugby league match.

Their mirth at my hysteria over a weta they put in my lunchbox at Greymouth Intermediate back in the '70s has scarred me psychologically so I'm not about to go over to stay and risk finding a snake in my bed just to give them a giggle. Especially not in the era of Facebook and YouTube.

Anyway. You get the picture.

So, recently I went to Fiji on a work assignment. Ordinarily this would fill me with trepidation but as there was the chance of a few holes of golf at one of the top courses in the world I thought I could chance it.

OK, I saw the odd spider and a bat but in the main the wildlife stayed away from me. Until I went to an eco park, the site of a successful iguana breeding programme, close to the resort.

If the truth be known I checked the park out beforehand and saw from the pictures the iguanas were safely tucked away in enclosures.

Therefore all would be safe and happy in the world. Or more to the point I would be safe and happy in the world. So off I went.

Now as a representative of the media I am occasionally afforded some "behind-the-scenes" opportunities the general public does not get. And thus, as my guide asked me to wash my hands and forearms with disinfectant, I figured we may be handling some incubated eggs or something.

I was thinking thus, drying my aforementioned appendages with my back turned to my host when she said: "This is Kevin".

Slightly caught out and thinking I was about to meet someone with the same name I turned with hand outstretched ... as she placed a 20cm long green iguana on my arm.

I froze.

"He's got the same name as you," she said proudly, as Kevin dug his claws in and prepared to eat me. Well, that's what I was sure was going to happen.

Momentarily I thought of shaking Kevin off but in the background, behind the sound of my heart beating louder and louder, I heard the words "endangered species" so I knew that would not be a good look.

So I just stood there, motionless. Hoping the torture would stop. But Kevin had other ideas. He decided my forearm was too far away from where he wanted to be ... on my shoulder.

So he started clambering upwards.

I'm not sure if it was the look of terror in my eyes or whether Kevin suffered altitude sickness as he moved higher up but my guide decided the visit was over and skilfully removed the beast as my body ignored the Fiji heat and expressed the biggest of cold shivers.

As it turned out it wasn't the only cold shiver I'd experience in a matter of minutes.

"So that was Kevin the iguana," said my guide excitedly.

"Now let me introduce you to George the boa constrictor".