Northern Advocate
  • Northern Advocate home
  • Latest news
  • Business
  • Opinion
  • Lifestyle
  • Sport
  • Property
  • Video
  • Death notices
  • Classifieds

Subscriptions

  • Herald Premium
  • Viva Premium
  • The Listener
  • BusinessDesk

Sections

  • Latest news
  • On The Up
  • Business
  • Opinion
  • Lifestyle
  • Rural
    • All Rural
    • Dairy farming
    • Sheep & beef farming
    • Horticulture
    • Animal health
    • Rural business
    • Rural life
    • Rural technology
  • Sport
  • Property
    • All Property
    • Residential property listings

Locations

  • Far North
  • Kaitaia
  • Kaikohe
  • Bay of Islands
  • Whangārei
  • Kaipara
  • Mangawhai
  • Dargaville

Media

  • Video
  • Photo galleries
  • Today's Paper - E-Editions
  • Photo sales
  • Classifieds

Weather

  • Kaitaia
  • Whangārei
  • Dargaville

NZME Network

  • Advertise with NZME
  • OneRoof
  • Driven Car Guide
  • BusinessDesk
  • Newstalk ZB
  • Sunlive
  • ZM
  • The Hits
  • Coast
  • Radio Hauraki
  • The Alternative Commentary Collective
  • Gold
  • Flava
  • iHeart Radio
  • Hokonui
  • Radio Wanaka
  • iHeartCountry New Zealand
  • Restaurant Hub
  • NZME Events

SubscribeSign In
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.
Home / Northern Advocate

Kevin Page: Fine tuning plans to be the 'Coolest Granddad'

By Kevin Page
Northern Advocate·
18 Sep, 2018 02:00 AM4 mins to read

Subscribe to listen

Access to Herald Premium articles require a Premium subscription. Subscribe now to listen.
Already a subscriber?  Sign in here

Listening to articles is free for open-access content—explore other articles or learn more about text-to-speech.
‌
Save

    Share this article

George the Dog is perfect for the task I offered him. I say offered but in truth he really didn't have much choice, writes Northern Advocate columnist Kevin Page. Photo / Getty Images

George the Dog is perfect for the task I offered him. I say offered but in truth he really didn't have much choice, writes Northern Advocate columnist Kevin Page. Photo / Getty Images

This coming weekend I'm on Granddad duty so I've been getting in some practise. On my dog.

I should perhaps explain that while Banker Boy's little cherub is rapidly closing in on her second birthday, a mixture of circumstances and geographical limitations have meant opportunities to stake my claim as the Coolest Granddad in the World have been somewhat few and far between.

But I am trying to ensure I am prepared for the task ahead. And that's where George the Dog comes in.

Read more: Kevin Page: The Bank of Mum and Dad to the rescue again
Kevin Page sees an opportunity in the online dating scene
Kevin Page: The Saturday morning lie in and the 'Ratty Dragon'

He is of similar size to little Amelie (that's Amelie with an 'e' not Amelia with an 'a' dear reader; French don't you know) and equal in terms of boisterousness and curiosity.

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

Dare I say it, but at the risk of sounding weird, he's perfect for the task I have offered him. I say offered but in truth he really didn't have much choice.

And my use of the word "weird" previously would most likely also explain what he thinks about my behaviour over the last week or so.

Let me explain.

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

This week as I've fed him I've taken to counting out his biscuits like that Sesame Street song from my childhood. You know the one. "One, two, three ... four, five, six ... seven, eight, nine ... 10, 11, 12 ladybugs came ... to the ladybugs picnic."

A quick aside here. Any of you youngies reading this and seeing your elders smirking and singing along just relax. They haven't lost their marbles. It's an oldies thing. Just look up Sesame Street on your phone thing.

Anyway.

So George gets fed and sung to. A lot actually.

Discover more

Multinationals at war in the household

14 Aug 02:00 AM

Bank of Mum and Dad to the rescue again

21 Aug 01:30 AM

Remember the pash behind the bike sheds?

28 Aug 02:00 AM

Hopes of getting spare room back dashed

04 Sep 02:00 AM

The other day down at the park I swear he was talking to his mates about me, just after they'd sniffed each others backsides. Obviously.

"You won't believe what the silly sod is doing now. He's got me playing bloody hide and seek behind the chair! Does he not know I can see his big bum sticking out the other end?"

But I don't really care.

I know Amelie's giggles will be well worth any embarrassment when the time comes. And I'm pretty sure she won't be telling her mates down at the park what a dickhead I am. Or sniffing their backsides for that matter.

Besides, I've got one super cool granddad trick up my sleeve. I'm sure I'm not alone in this one. You may have even tried it yourself.

I'm referring of course to the Granddad Horse.

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

Again, I've been practising with George. It took a little coaxing but eventually we've got to the stage where I get down get on all fours and he dutifully jumps aboard.

It's entirely possible he's just doing it to stop me pestering him. In fact, Mrs P says he basically sits up there quietly with a "oh for heaven's sake ... " expression.

I can't see him obviously because I am concentrating on keeping a smooth, steady gait around the lounge without dislodging him and saying silly Granddad stuff like "giddyup horsey".

So if I haven't caught sight of George's bored chops lately there is one expression I have seen lately which will stick with me.

It was that of our friendly little Indian courier driver who was standing at the front door the other day talking to Mrs P while I was trotting round the lounge on all fours with a bored dog perched on my back.

"Don't mind me," I called out. 'I'm just playing with my granddaughter".

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

■ Kevin Page is a teller of tall tales with a firm belief too much serious news gives you frown lines. Feel free to share stories to kevin.page@nzme.co.nz

Save

    Share this article

Latest from Northern Advocate

Northern Advocate

Court backs sacking of Northland doctor who sent 'flirty texts' to junior

06 Jul 09:13 PM
Northern Advocate

Far North Mayor calls on New Zealanders to vote for Māori wards in October

06 Jul 08:12 PM
Northern Advocate

‘Flying’ through the air: Grandfather's call for safer crossings after crash

06 Jul 05:00 PM

From early mornings to easy living

sponsored
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

Latest from Northern Advocate

Court backs sacking of Northland doctor who sent 'flirty texts' to junior

Court backs sacking of Northland doctor who sent 'flirty texts' to junior

06 Jul 09:13 PM

The sexual harassment investigation led to the doctor taking 10 months' stress leave.

Far North Mayor calls on New Zealanders to vote for Māori wards in October

Far North Mayor calls on New Zealanders to vote for Māori wards in October

06 Jul 08:12 PM
‘Flying’ through the air: Grandfather's call for safer crossings after crash

‘Flying’ through the air: Grandfather's call for safer crossings after crash

06 Jul 05:00 PM
'Serious-to-critical': Crash shuts SH1 in Northland, delays expected

'Serious-to-critical': Crash shuts SH1 in Northland, delays expected

06 Jul 08:48 AM
Solar bat monitors uncover secrets of Auckland’s night sky
sponsored

Solar bat monitors uncover secrets of Auckland’s night sky

NZ Herald
  • About NZ Herald
  • Meet the journalists
  • Newsletters
  • Classifieds
  • Help & support
  • Contact us
  • House rules
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms of use
  • Competition terms & conditions
  • Our use of AI
Subscriber Services
  • The Northern Advocate e-edition
  • Manage your print subscription
  • Manage your digital subscription
  • Subscribe to Herald Premium
  • Subscribe to the Northern Advocate
  • Gift a subscription
  • Subscriber FAQs
  • Subscription terms & conditions
  • Promotions and subscriber benefits
NZME Network
  • The Northern Advocate
  • The New Zealand Herald
  • The Northland Age
  • Waikato Herald
  • Bay of Plenty Times
  • Rotorua Daily Post
  • Hawke's Bay Today
  • Whanganui Chronicle
  • Viva
  • NZ Listener
  • Newstalk ZB
  • BusinessDesk
  • OneRoof
  • Driven Car Guide
  • iHeart Radio
  • Restaurant Hub
NZME
  • About NZME
  • NZME careers
  • Advertise with NZME
  • Digital self-service advertising
  • Book your classified ad
  • Photo sales
  • © Copyright 2025 NZME Publishing Limited
TOP