Jonny Wilkinson: Preparing for surgery, it's weird

As Missy Elliott would recommend "Get your nails done, get a pedicure, get your hair dyed!". Jonny Wilkinson says he's done all that. Photo / Getty Images

It's been one of the best Labour Weekends for a long time. Snoozing in the sun, shock treatment in the sea, sand in the house.

But I also had a sinking feeling. Yes the day has come, the walrus said to speak of many things; scalpels, bone chisels, titanium rods and bedpans.

I have been starting to ruminate and vegetate on the surgery. By the time you read this I will be in a slightly different reality. The best thing I can do is try and turn this elongated hospital stay into an opportunity.

A writing foray with pictures. It won't be pretty and that's hard for a delusional narcissist like myself. I'm inviting a spread of artists to illustrate the journey from a rack back into normal life (optimistic?). So if any budding artist; cartoonist, painter, stylist, wants to give it a crack contact my work talk to Arlene my PA (the other Fuhrer in my life).

It's a weird event to prepare for. Like the investiture I recently had - it's like preparing for a wedding, except you are the only one getting married.

As Missy Elliott would recommend, "Get your nails done, get a pedicure, get your hair dyed!" I have done all that in the casual hope that I will get better treatment and a better outcome.

Deluded? Probably.

I went down to Auckland last week to see a neurologist about Botox. It wasn't the cosmetic intervention, it was to try and slow down the constant wobbling of my head.

The neurologist said, "I'll give it a go but you got some fairly chunky looking muscles in your neck and you move your head randomly at all angles. We will give it a go."

I told him last time I had a shoulder reconstruction after smashing the top of my humerus shoulder bone they gave me Valium to keep still because pain can increase the involuntary movements of my cerebral palsy and involuntary movements can cause pain.

It's like a dysfunctional relationship. "Oh," he said, " I have got a far better combination for you."

He prescribed a cocktail of Benzos and Barbs. He said, "Start taking them now so you're used to them, use them before your operation so the combination of them together with a general anaesthetic won't be too much. They may make you drowsy and they may give you memory loss."

He didn't say anything about being deluded.

So yes I could be a tad deluded. Is it the meds or is it business as usual? Over the years I have found the best way to face adversity is to turn it into an opportunity; flip it, put it on the ground and reverse it.

I am going to have a hiatus in my column writing. See y'all on the other side.

* Jonny Wilkinson is the CEO of Tiaho Trust - Disability A Matter of Perception, a Whangārei based disability advocacy organisation.