Joe Bennett: Covid-19, the vaccine and William Shakespeare - what's the connection?

"Bill" William Shakespeare, 81, receives the Pfizer-BioNTech Covid-19 vaccine at the start of the largest-ever immunisation programme in the UK's history on December 8. Photo / Getty Images

A DOG'S LIFE

The second person to receive the Covid-19 vaccine in the United Kingdom was a gentleman by the name of William Shakespeare. And they say there's no cause for celebration in this world.

Two matters arise from this splendid news. The first and most important is to congratulate Mr Shakespeare, who is 81 years old and likes to be known as Bill. May he live long and happily. The second is to ask how on earth he got to be called William.

The spotlight falls inevitably on Bill's parents. Now, given the fact that their son is an octogenarian, it seems probable that they will have crossed that bourn from which no traveller returns, and one should not speak ill of the dead.

But I have no intention of speaking ill of them. I mean merely to speculate about what might have induced them to name their son as they did. And having spent much of the day thinking about it I have come up with five possible reasons, the first of which is simple innocence.

This presupposes that Will's parents had never heard of the greatest dramatist ever to write in English and that they called their son William only because they liked the name.

It's a lovely idea but it seems improbable, especially when you consider that Bill's father would also have been called Shakespeare and he must surely have suffered the cruel wit of English teachers.

So innocence, it seems, is out. His parents knew what they were doing.

My next thought was ambition. All parents are ambitious for their offspring. Maybe they sensed something about the infant Bill that suggested he was of a rare sensibility.

William Shakespeare's Birthplace Museum in Stratford-upon-Avon. The English playwright, poet, and actor (1564-1616) is often called England's national poet and the "Bard of Avon". Photo / Getty Images

Maybe they were theatrical types themselves and they dreamed of bringing into this world a son who would revive the ancient glories of the stage.

But again that seems improbable. If you want your son to make a name for himself as a dramatist the last thing you would do would be to give him the name of another dramatist. The name would be a burden, not a boost. So ambition seems to be out.

How about despair? Bill is 81 which means that he was born in 1939. Things looked bleak in Britain in 1939. Fascism abounded in Europe. Hitler was clearly bent on seizing territory. War was inevitable. Britain was unprepared. The States were neutral.

Tough times lay ahead. At the time of their son's birth did the Shakespeares feel such dread that it didn't much matter what name they gave him, the future being so grim?

Possible, I suppose, but improbable. Birth by definition is a time of hope and optimism, regardless of the circumstances. Despair does not belong.

What then of love, tough love? All parents love their children and wish to protect them from pain. Now Mr Shakespeare senior, as already mentioned, will have been familiar with the stream of jokes that his son would have to cope with all his life because of his famous surname.

So why not go the whole hog and call him William? That way the stream of jokes would become a torrent, and the boy would soon become inured to them. The experience would toughen him up and make him a man who knew that words could never hurt him.

Again it's possible, I suppose, but it seems unlikely, and it also seems a scheme that no Mrs Shakespeare would be likely to approve.

Which brings us to the last of my five possible reasons which is that the Shakespeares acted out of simple mischief. They called their son William because they thought it was funny.

And perhaps they envisaged a day, long after the clouds of war had cleared, when their son, by now an adult and a motorist, would be pulled over by the police for some minor infraction.

"Good evening sir," says the policeman, affecting the mock deference that is the hallmark of their tribe, "and your name is …"

"William Shakespeare."

"Splendid, sir, and I'm the Archbishop of Canterbury. Now, shall be begin again, sir?"

And if I'm right, if 80 years ago when the world was about to descend into war, two young parents chose to send their son out into the world bearing a name chosen only for its comic potential, then I think that's every bit as much a cause for celebration as the Covid-19 vaccine.