Popping down to the local rugby club for takeaways was a shock last Thursday. The first sign of something up was local wastrels, in assorted mobile wrecks of questionable legal status, hurtling flat sticks up side roads away from the village.
Upon arrival all was revealed. A booze-bus and a posse of police cars stuck out like flashing beacons from a sea of parked cars occupying every available space for kilometres.
Of course, I should have known a massively important rugby fixture (aren't they all?) was scheduled to invade our otherwise tranquil rural community.
Had I actually scanned the sports pages before using them to light the fire, I could have entirely avoided running the gamut of police, gate security, crowds, possible public embarrassment at being mistaken for a rugby fan, and an oxygenating 2km sprint from car to club and back for which absolutely no advance training was undertaken.
Clearly rugby is a menace to the community, but each to their own: although even the most controversial art exhibitions tend not to impede traffic. However, I understand that since thousands of happy rugby fans trump one contrarian, I must lump it. It's a tough job. Someone has to do it.