This is not The Goon Show, and although the grass outside is frying in the blazing April sun and people mutter "driest in 70 years" no one looks likely to burst into ludicrous song at any moment. "Ning Nang Nong..."
We are about 60 people in a room in the Whangarei Library where the British aristocrat puts on a fake bovva boy accent to colour up his contention that global warming is just a mind game the communists and the greens are playing on us.
Agenda 21, the United Nations-led action plan on sustainability, is a scam that has used "bogus and fraudulent science" to divert attention from its real agenda - which is ultimately forcing the people of the free world to live in concentration camps under communist rule, no less.
The other big bogie in the bogus science, Monckton says, is the myth-mongering Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) which assesses scientific information about climate change caused by human activity. It seems to matter to Monckton that the ICPP is chaired by a "railway engineer" from India, Rajendra K. Pachauri. (Cue: mocking Indian accent from the British peer.)
Lord Monckton also spoofs up a courtroom scenario where Your Honour has to ask who is this Mother Nature and who is representing her?
A couple of people snigger but generally his jokes don't spark the laughter you'd expect from an audience most of whom look like they desperately want to believe communists, fascists and greens are sending us to hell in a handcart.
"The drought has already broken up north and it'll probably break down here in the next day or so," Lord Monckton tells the audience at one stage. I think he got his norths and souths mixed up. On the day, it was raining heavily down south and expected to move north over the rest of New Zealand. Later that night and for the next day it did indeed rain in Northland.
That, however, is weather; climate is different.
Lord Monckton says he can prove - when he, not the ICPP, is "manipulating" the graphs and figures - the change in recorded temperature has been so minuscule no thermometer could measure it. If all developed countries cut their emissions by 30 per cent by the year 2020, the global temperature would only be reduced by 0.05C. It's a myth that low CO2 levels will stifle the atmosphere; they were much lower in the Proterozoic times and yet there was life. "You remember, madam," Monckton points at a woman in the front row. "You were there."
He bangs them out: "There is no scientific consensus that man is the primary cause of global warming." "Al Gore is lying to you." "Nature, not human activity, rules the climate."
"You might think I'm being extreme," he ponders at one point.
And another statement no one's likely to dispute: "Polar bears are not cuddly."
Polar bears are also not dying off due to global warming, Monckton says. The only thing they are suffering from is "Ursus Bogus" (ursus is Latin for bear).
Down nearer us, we have polar concerns of an entirely different nature, like the "nonsense" about melting ice caps. Actually, the Antarctic is cooling and the ice field rapidly growing, Monckton says.
"Can cooling be caused by warming? No!"
The old slogans like "global warming", "climate change" and the more recent "extreme weather" have failed, Monckton says. In reality, "extreme weather is the old normal".
In Greenland the ice did not melt 8000 years ago and it isn't melting today. Rainfall in England and Wales is only 2 inches higher today than 247 years ago. The sea level at the Maldives hasn't risen for 1250 years. If you happen to know of a small Pacific island that's getting worried by the propaganda, tell them the good news... And on and on.
Rather than seeing only doom and gloom in forecasts about climate change, Monckton's Global Climate Scam literature tells us we should embrace the notion.
"History shows that periods of warming have been healthier for mankind." Look at the Medieval Warm Period that preceded a Mini Ice Age - bumper crops, fewer storms, and a thriving human population. Take that, you climate alarmists!
I do enjoy Monckton's disrespectful disregard for the "Doha-ha" talks; his story of hiring a private plane and parachuting into the international climate conference he was banned from in Durban in 2011; how he slipped into the empty chair of the ICPP delegate from Burma and proceeded to verbally rip apart the draft document on climate change - resulting, he claims, in half the draft being dropped.
He's miffed he can't attract a face-to-face debate with an un-likeminded climate change thinker in New Zealand, preferably on prime-time TV. He thinks there's a conspiracy to shut him up.
Instead, on Monckton's Climate of Freedom speaking tour in Dargaville, Whangarei, other towns and farming centres yet to come and those already ticked off across the ditch, it's the same shot, different day.
He warns us that those Agenda 21-ers are "infiltrating" local authority planning the world over. Last week in Wagga Wagga, Monckton heard from a man not allowed to put a huge pond next to his Something loony looms, His Lordship sees
He's at odds with the 'bent science' that says the warming rate is accelerating.house, and another person fined for moving rocks. He's been invited to this part of the world for the second time by Climate Realists conveners, East Coast farmers Neil and Esther Henderson. Esther Henderson is a friendly, sensible seeming woman.
She is upset at the personal attacks her husband has received online over his own blogged views.
"It's a case of if you can't attack the arguments, then you attack the person," she says, hurt. She won't like this article then. Probably Farmers of New Zealand, who are hosting the lord in Northland, won't either.
Inside the venue, Monckton's been talking up a storm for well over an hour and doesn't look like drying up. Slides have been rapidly shown, claims made as wild as an Atlantic hurricane, arguments linked like a daisy chain. He isn't at odds with the notion of climate change, he reiterates; he's at odds with the "bent science" that says the warming rate is accelerating.
As I leave the entertaining but vaguely disturbing reds-under-the-beds address, Milligan pops into my mind again. The epitaph on the gravestone of the greatest goon of them all reads: "I told you I was ill".
