For many, learning to say "no" at the appropriate time remains one of the hardest words to say, mean, and follow through with. Photo / Getty Images
For many, learning to say "no" at the appropriate time remains one of the hardest words to say, mean, and follow through with. Photo / Getty Images
Half the troubles of this life can be traced to saying yes too quickly and not saying no soon enough.
Are you a people pleaser?
Have you bought into the prevalent guilt trip that you must be doing for others or you've entered the realm of selfishness?
Are your own feelings and suffering invalid and the health of your body declining because you have placed the feelings and views of others above your own? Are you afraid of letting others down?
Do you seek approval from others by saying yes when you really want to say no?
While helping others is extremely gratifying, we cannot get caught up in trying to please others at the expense of our own needs.
If the needs and conditions of others have taken precedence over your own, if you struggle to find time to effectively and consistently address your own needs, you've entered a dangerous downward mental and physical energy drain. Not surprisingly, you're not alone.
Research reveals that the harder it is to say no, the greater the likelihood of experiencing stress, burn-out and depression. Photo / Getty Images
For many, learning to say "no" at the appropriate time remains one of the hardest words to say, mean and follow through with.
However, it is also one of the most important and empowering things you can do for your mental and physical health, the health of your self-esteem, and the level of self-confidence and self-worth you enjoy.
Because we're allotted so much energy per day (yes, we can boost our energy quota with healthy workouts), when it's focused on doing for others, we make ourselves unavailable to say "yes" to ourselves – to address the needs of our own body and mind and possibly cash in on a new opportunity presenting itself.
Unfortunately, for most, when pressed for time and energy, one of the first things that goes is their workout session (although ironically it is the one thing with the power to boost their energy reserves). They are simply too tired to perform after having spent all their energy – mental and physical - on someone else's needs.
No matter what your nationality or vocation in life, your personal boundaries are what validate your own feelings and keeps your self-worth and self-esteem healthy. It's vitally important to live determined and authentically by those boundaries. After all, if you don't value yourself enough to address your own needs first, if you don't take yourself seriously, then how do you expect others to?
Assertiveness is a positive trait and saying no is being assertive. Photo / Getty Images
Research reveals that "the harder it is for someone to say no, the greater the likelihood they will experience increased levels of stress, feelings of burn-out and deep levels of depression", eventually becoming mentally and physically drained – unhappy and unfulfilled. Is that what you want for yourself?
Taking care of yourself is not selfish, and learning the art of saying "no" is not only empowering, it is one of the healthiest things you can do for your mental and physical wellbeing. After all, how do you expect to get others "cards in a row" when your own deck is scrambled?
It's time to break the habit of saying yes just to feel needed and accepted. True love starts at home – with you. Valuing yourself and honouring your self-worth are the ultimate and most empowering gifts you can give yourself.
If you truly want the most out of life, if stellar health and longevity are high on your wish list, you must be courageous and respect yourself enough to stand up for yourself and your needs without worrying about what others might think.
Assertiveness is a positive trait and saying no is being assertive. Be assertive, honour yourself and your needs first and don't back down! You don't even need a valid reason to say no. Your feelings are your validation. You are that important!
Remember, every time you say yes to something, you are saying no to something else. Is that something else you?
It's impossible to feel good about yourself if you've put yourself last on your list of priorities. Whether business or personal, saying no with respect, is a necessary, life skill. The key is to balance kindness and courtesy to others while retaining and honouring your own self-worth.
The very act of showing yourself self-respect is what commands it from others! If the occasion calls for it, say no – be firm and direct and mean it. That's when you stand in your own power!
