Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern points to journalists during her weekly post-Cabinet press conference. Photo / Mark Mitchell
Claire Trevett looks back at the week, including Grant Robertson forgetting who he was, Simon Bridges' listing the three baddies and Winston Peters reports in after surgery.
Monday: PM points the finger
PM Jacinda Ardern runs much tighter control over her weekly post-Cabinet press conference than her predecessors, Sir John Key and Sir Bill English, managed.
Key and English would grit their teeth and stand at the podium in the Beehive Theatrette until all questions were exhausted.
Key started that approach after he left suddenly one day and was accused of walking out "under pressure".
Early on in her tenure, Ardern made it clear she would not go beyond half an hour. More often it is around 25 minutes by the time she calls "last question".
She takes up some of this herself, setting out her plans for the week ahead and sometimes a statement on an issue of the day.
With a captive audience, of late, she has started adding in a wee brag about Government initiatives from the past week.
She then takes questions on any matter under the sun.
Once time is up, Ardern calls "last question" and then leaves while journalists who have missed out on a question make last-ditch efforts to get her attention.
It has meant journalists with more frivolous questions do not get to ask them, because of the need to save the time for the more important issues.
Thus, we have missed the Prime Minister's view on such important matters as her bet with Australian PM Scott Morrison, or what she thought of Simon Bridges' pledge to run down Dominion Rd in his underwear.
Of late, Ardern has added another flourish: pointing with her pen to the journalist who gets a question, making the whole thing seem rather like a very discordant orchestra.
Tuesday: Where there is trouble, there is Mark Mitchell
Mark Mitchell appears to be National's Supporter-in-Chief.
If there is a MP going through a hard time, Mitchell stands at their shoulder in a show of support while the cameras are rolling as the MPs make their way into the weekly caucus meeting.
Today he was there for Todd McClay after a NZ Herald story that it was McClay who organised a donation from Chinese billionaire Lang Lin to the National Party in 2017.
In the past, he was there for Alf Ngaro after news broke Ngaro was considering setting up a new party, he was there when Maggie Barry was accused of bullying, and he was there when Simon Bridges first fronted after Jami-Lee Ross hurled a string of allegations about him.
Perhaps he is taking out insurance should the day come he finds himself in a spot of bother. If he keeps it up, he will need stadium seating for all his shoulder-standers.
McClay, meanwhile, showed some presence of mind - even in the heat of questioning about his role in the donation, he managed to get in a pitch for his Rotorua electorate.
Grilled about it, McClay managed get in that he had invited Lang to Rotorua, "the tourism capital of New Zealand".
Wednesday: Bridges, gangs, crims, and extremists
National Party leader Simon Bridges was so determined to get his sound-bite of choice on to the news that he simply repeated the same phrase at least 10 times over.
Explaining why National would not support the second tranche of gun reforms, Bridges said it would affect legitimate gun users rather than go for "criminals, gangs and extremists".
He was so fixed on his line that even after the media started taking the mickey out of him, by pretending they could not remember one of the three baddies, he kept a straight face in answering.
'Conscious uncoupling' of liquor and rugby
Parliament passed a law to allow the RSAs and other such establishments to open outside regular licensed hours for Rugby World Cup games, but the Green Party was less than impressed.
Jan Logie got a little bit Hall Monitor about it, first of all saying that using a process of hastening a bill through Parliament would be better used for bigger problems than simply letting someone have a drink while the rugby was on.
She then went into a tirade about the bill, saying she was fine with being called a wowser, because the legislation effectively inextricable linked drinking and rugby.
She channelled Gwyneth Paltrow, saying the two things needed to be "uncoupled".
It prompted National MP Gerry Brownlee to point out the Greens supported legalising cannabis, so she would presumably be happy for people to have "a couple of puffs on the old wacky backy" and "rather than looking at the screen, just imagin[e] what's going on".
Things then went into a gender dispute, after Logie said it was notable Parliament only went to such lengths for "the men's Rugby World Cup".
This prompted David Seymour into an I Am Man, Hear me Roar moment:
"They can't help being men; they didn't choose to be men.
"They were, to quote Lady Gaga, 'Born [that] way', and they do not deserve to be chastised, belittled, and attacked for being who they are by the Green Party, of all parties.
"So I stand up for our All Blacks and their right to be men, and not be attacked for being men by the Green Party."
Who went to Maccas?
The quarterly release of MPs and ministers' expenses provides an enlightening insight into the dietary habits of their staff. Some are at least frugal, if not nutrition-minded.
This quarter's showed Peeni Henare's staff got stuck into a KiwiBurger at the Maccas in Otorohanga.
Maccas was a regular on Willie Jackson's receipts as well: there were chicken muffins and bacon and egg muffins from McDonald's in Bombay and Gisborne.
Ministers do not get to put their nosh on the credit card – MPs get an annual allowance to cover meals on the road.
But Beehive Diaries is reliably informed that Jackson's breakfast of champions is the hotcakes.
Grant of all trades
Grant Robertson had to fill in for so many ministers in Question Time that there were times he completely forgot who he was.
With ministers away on other duties or at Pita Paraone's funeral, Robertson had to answer four of the 12 questions – flicking between being the PM, Social Development Minister Carmel Sepuloni, and himself.
As he stood to answer a question for Sepuloni, Robertson said "on behalf of the Prime Minister" and was reminded by the Speaker that he had now transformed into Sepuloni.
Justice Minister Andrew Little also got a bit carried away filling in as Police Minister Stuart Nash.
As Act's David Seymour stood, he said he had intended to wish Nash a happy birthday.
Little responded that he thanked Seymour for the birthday wishes "but he won't be invited to the party".
The Speaker interrupted, observing it was possible the actual Police Minister took a rather different view on that matter – presumably a nod to Nash's more right-wing positions compared to Little's.
Friday: Winston Peters reports in after surgery
Winston Peters was back home after surgery on his knee. He put up a video to prove it on Facebook and Twitter.
— Winston Peters (@winstonpeters) August 29, 2019
He thanked people for their messages of goodwill. Beehive Diaries will assume Paula Bennett was not included in his thanks, despite her efforts in sending flowers.
As the crowd chanted, Seymour walked back into the Beehive with his MPs.