KEY POINTS:
New Zealand women dipping their toes in the dating game at 40 or older have a new handbook.
But it's not just a guide on how to tell whether the lawnmower man is Mr Right, Mr Right for Right Now, or someone to avoid altogether. Rather, it's a handbook on sexual health, safe-sex practices and dating education, for a generation of women who, in large part, missed such an education while growing up.
The state-funded Upd@teMe booklet was produced to educate heterosexual women who found themselves back in the dating game post 40, Family Planning chief executive Jackie Edmond said.
Those women might never have imagined the possibility of their long-term relationship ending, and could be faced with considerable adjustments to accepting new possibilities, she said.
"This is compounded by changes in society - more ways of meeting someone, increased risks of sexually transmissible infections. We know, too, that many people in the over-40 age group aren't good at taking care of themselves. They've simply not had the safer sex messages that young people have been getting."
Family Planning clinicians often reported women, seeking contraception at the start of a new relationship, who hadn't considered the need to protect themselves against STIs, Ms Edmond said.
"Often they'll tell our clinicians that 'he looks okay'. Our response is that you can't tell by looking if someone has an STI.
"Unless both partners have had clean STI test results, and the relationship is sexually exclusive, then condoms and lube are the only way to be safe."
The new booklet also discusses ideas on how to meet someone new, internet dating, sexual etiquette, talking about safer sex, how to negotiate condom use, pregnancy and contraception.
The booklet is free and can be picked up at a Family Planning clinic or by ordering online at familyplanning.org.nz
DATING ADVICE
* Get a sexual health warrant of fitness, from your GP or Family Planning clinic.
* Talk about safer sex. It may be better to put off sex until you have built up intimacy and trust in the relationship, then the subject will be easier to discuss.
* Keep a clear idea in your head about what you want. Think about these questions: Does it fit with my life plan? Does this relationship match my values and belief system? Am I being respected? What does my gut instinct tell me?
Source: Family Planning