By RUSSELL BAILLIE
To the grumpy grown-up film-goer it might seem that every day at the local multiplex is school holidays.
But with the spring break season cranking up this week, here comes a flood of movies targeted at teens and pre-teens - who, of course, really should be outside, or at least watching their "role models" at the Olympics.
No, there's nothing that is going to be troubling Oscar next year among this bunch. And there's an inevitable batch of sequels and some films that those old cynics may think they've seen before, only under a different name.
We'll be reviewing many of the holiday crop in TimeOut in coming weeks (film distributors don't usually preview teen fare to critics in advance).
But for those who are either wondering if particular movies are suitable for a couple of hours as celluloid babysitters or who wish to spend their pocket money wisely, here's a quick guide to what's on offer ...
DISNEY'S THE KID
What: A comedy fantasy in which Bruce Willis gets yet another odd little boy as a sidekick. Only this time it's him - or his inner child, a chubby 8-year-old who wonders why his 40 year-old outer adult has turned into such a jerk.
Who's it for: Mid-life crisis weekend Dads and their male offspring? Well, as the title says it's Disney so it's family viewing with a capital F.
Advance word: A little forced, but chubby wee Jimmy Breslin as Bruce-the-minor is fun.
Starts: Screening now.
Censor's rating: PG
Internet: ="http://disney.go.com/disneypictures/thekid/homepage.html" target="new">disney.go.com/disneypictures/thekid/homepage.html
LOOKING FOR ALIBRANDI
What: Italian-Aussie 17-year-old Josephine Alibrandi is in her last year at a Catholic girls school in Sydney. As she is trying to decide on a future, skeletons are rattling in her family's closet.
Who it's for: Teenage girls and their understanding dates. Better yet, they should take their Mums and Grandmas - there's bonding to be done and everyone can go out for pasta afterwards.
Advance word: Good, a teen dramedy that doesn't talk down to its audience or skimp on the tough stuff about adolescence. It's been a sizeable hit in Oz
Starts: September 28.
Censor's rating: M (low level offensive language)
Internet: www.alibrandi.com.au
POKEMON 2000
What: The second Pokemon movie. Yes, so soon.
Who's it for: Those who care that there are six new animated characters to help Ash save the day. All together now: "Balbasaur! Zapdos! Misty!"
Advance Word: Not as good as the first, apparently. But these things are, of course, relative
Starts: Thursday
Censor's rating: G
Internet: www.p2kthemovie.com
THE MIRACLE MAKER
What: The life of Jesus, in a plasticine-animated epic with British thesp voices including Ralph Fiennes, Miranda Richardson and Ian Holm.
Who's it for: Those who thought Prince of Egypt was their idea of a great night out.
Advance Word: Well according to the Right Reverend Roman Williams, Bishop of Monmouth: "A superb dramatisation of the gospel narrative ... a splendid achievement."
Starts: Thursday, Rialto cinemas
Censor's rating: G
Internet: www.themiraclemaker.com
TITAN A. E.
What: Animated sci-fi about life "After Earth" where a teenager Cale - voiced by Matt Damon - is charged with the salvation of the human race.
Who's it for: Teen and pre-teen chaps - it's the nearest thing they'll be getting to space thrills of last year's Phantom Menace.
Advance Word: Good animation, a mix of 3D CGI and 2D pen'n'ink, but a cliched sci-fi story. The lack of box office stateside forced Fox to close down its animation studios after this was released.
Starts: Thursday
Censor's rating: PG (low level violence)
FLINTSTONES - VIVA ROCK VEGAS
What: A "prequel" to the last live-action version of the cartoon stone-age suburbanites showing Fred and Wilma, Barney and Betty in their courting days. Stars that big bloke from The Full Monty as Fred and what's-her-name from 3rd Rock as Wilma.
Who's it for: Fans of the last one? Hands up now.
Advance Word: The word "why?" does spring to mind.
Starts: Thursday
Censor's rating: G
Internet: www.vivarockvegas.com
NUTTY PROFESSOR 2 - THE KLUMPS
What: Eddie Murphy returns as Professor Sherman Klump, his woman-chasin' alter ego Buddy Love and the rest of the Klump clan in a film which could cause a world latex shortage. Janet Jackson co-stars.
Who it's for: Teens old enough for the dirty jokes and smart enough not to repeat them at home afterwards.
Advance Word: Bit of a mess storywise and the latest on the gross-out humour bandwagon. We've come a long way since the original Jerry Lewis Disney movie.
Starts: Thursday
Censor's rating: M (sexual references)
Internet: www.nuttyprofessor.com
CENTRE STAGE
What: Fame meets Dawson's Creek - the high-pressured adventures of a group of teenage dance students trying out for the New York-based American Ballet Company.
Who's it for: Tutu and tights-wearers of all ages and their stage mums.
Advance Word: Looks nice but as a story, not quite the full pirouette.
Starts: Thursday
Censor's rating: M (low level offensive language)
Internet: www.unitic.com/centrestage
Hold on to the popcorn, youngsters are invading
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