By MICHELE HEWITSON
It's hard to know how tantalising the title, Rachel Hunter Laid Bare (tonight, 7.30, TV2) is supposed to be. Rachel with no clothes on? When her style is to wear clothes that are barely there, it's hard to fathom the attraction, or the novelty.
So we get to see Rachel in the bath.
Ooh, legs. I rather think we've all seen rather too much of our Rach's legs over the years to get excited about that particular view.
Ooh, breasts. Ditto. She is, after all, a swimsuit model, and fond of those itty bitty dresses which cover barely more than a bikini.
So they must have meant to imply that this is a tell-all.
The makers followed Rachel for two weeks which implies that this must be an in-depth investigation into, well, what exactly?
Inside Rachel's brain, perhaps? She's a model. You do not want to go inside models' brains. That's not what they exist for. As Rachel says, she's a celebrity. That's her job.
Her emotions? Nah. Turns out she won't talk about her love-life and she thinks people should get over the fact that she married Rod when she was but a young thing.
Fine. I'm over it already.
And there's a clue about how bare this story about Rachel actually is - and we've heard it all before: "from penniless Kiwi beach bum to ... "
Her manager tells us Rachel gets copy approval on everything.
Did she get copy approval on this? Oddly enough the question wasn't asked.
The experts were rolled out. One bloke said he thought Rachel was a cross between Mandy Smith and Princess Diana. Right oh.
The Di bit is apparently because she plays a manipulative game with the media. Which must make almost every celebrity a Di crossed with some other celeb.
Still, nice to see that a girl reputed to be worth more than $20 million (according to this doco) doesn't behave like a little princess.
See Rachel burping to the camera. See her sticking out her tongue. See her showing off her bum.
And how nice to hear that Rachel loves all the little animals. And the great big animals. See Rachel pose naked with a very large male dog.
Actually, I would rather not have seen this - it made me nervous - but presumably it is somebody's fantasy.
Moving right along to the gorillas then. Rachel loves the gorillas.
"I feel humans are very well looked after. My thing is just animals."
Rachel goes off to the Congo to let the gorillas know she is doing charity work for them. Which is a good thing, isn't it? Especially now that all the human animals are looked after.
Come to think of it, being Rachel must be a bit like being one of those animals people go to gawk at.
Celebrities may not be an endangered species but, like gorillas, they're a bit like us and not like us at all.
One of the really great things about the gorillas is that they don't talk.
It would be a good idea if celebrities didn't talk because, really, it's not their fault they have nothing particularly illuminating to say.
Everything you never wanted to know about Rachel Hunter
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