Words: Emma Reynolds
Editor: Alanah Eriksen
Design and Graphics: Paul Slater and Phil Welch

It was meant to be one of the happiest days of his life.

Walking out of an 18th century manor in a three-piece suit, holding his new wife Victoria’s hand, his 2-year-old daughter Harper a flower girl, Michael Millane was smiling.

But there was a conspicuous absence at this wedding in the Cotswolds, a picturesque area in southern England with rolling hills and quaint villages. And behind the photos was sadness.

Just eight months earlier, Michael, 29, carried his younger sister Grace’s coffin into Brentwood Cathedral for her funeral, a poignant contrast to his joyful day.

Guests described the August wedding as beautiful, an “amazing day” and said they had “the best time”. Grace’s presence was felt.

“She was mentioned in the speeches,” her cousin Hannah O’Callaghan, 37, tells the Herald.

“It’s very raw… My aunt and uncle are out there [in New Zealand] at the moment, they’re dealing with a horrendous thing.”

Grace had graduated from the University of Lincoln, in England’s East Midlands, in September 2018 with a degree in advertising and marketing.

Michael, Victoria and Harper attended her graduation ceremony, along with David, 61, her mother Gillian, 58, and Grace’s brother Declan, now 26.

Photos show Grace, in cap and gown, lovingly holding Harper - her first niece, with whom she shares the middle name Rose - as the rest of the family beam with pride.

She had embarked on a year-long solo OE in October last year, starting with a group tour from Lima, Peru, before travelling toward the Patagonia region, stopping in Bolivia and flying on to New Zealand.

The plan was to carry on to Australia, Vietnam, Cambodia and Thailand before heading back to the UK on June 26 - seven weeks before her eldest brother’s wedding in August at Wheatley Church, with a reception at the stately Heythrop Park Resort.

Grace would get to spend some quality time with her family in their home village of Ramsden Bellhouse before heading to North America to see family members.

But two weeks after arriving in Auckland she was murdered, forging a painful bond between the tiny English village and New Zealand forever.

Ramsden Bellhouse - population 730 - is in the county of Essex, about an hour’s drive east of central London.

It is alive with wholesome activity when the Herald visits on a Saturday morning. The postman is making his deliveries, families are visiting the local store and two women are setting up a dog training day at the community centre.

On the main road, an old-fashioned sign bearing the name of the village and a picture of a raven gazing over a field swings under a grey sky outside St Mary the Virgin Church. It’s a reference to the place’s original name: Ramesdana, Valley of the Ravens.

Houses cost an average of $2.3 million, and the Millane family’s $2.6 million, four-bedroom family home lies on a wide road of large houses with luxury cars in their manicured driveways.

Grace Emmie Rose Millane was born in the Brentwood district on December 2, 1996, the third child and first daughter for David and Gill. She was a healthy child who never had any serious medical issues.

“I don’t remember Grace being in hospital for anything and she’s not had any operations,” her father said during the trial over her death.

David had a successful asbestos-removing business which allowed the family to move to their dream home when Grace was 10. The business, Millane Contract Services, now offers all kinds of property services - building, maintenance, roofing.

“He’s always been very hardworking, very conscientious,” his friend and local councillor Peter Holliman tells the Herald.

“The kids all followed that. They all worked very hard.”

The family had two dogs, Maddie and Benson, a huge Newfoundland who was Grace’s “baby”.

There were summer parties in the sprawling backyard, a massive tree at the front of the house at Christmas, holidays in Europe and fun in the snow.

There were plenty of cousins - David was one of 10 children. He described the Millanes as a “very, large, close family”.

“They are a close-knit family, all very caring,” says family friend Claire Bilton, 25, who went on holiday to Majorca with the Millanes as a child.

“A really genuine, down-to-earth, lovely family.”

On Facebook, childhood friend Brittany Hawkes recalled weekends when her friend would make pancakes for breakfast and the pair would sing, make up dance routines and eat pizza and cookies.

“You weren’t an ordinary person, your heart was filled with generosity, you were ambitious, stubborn, a quirky friend, forever making me laugh,” she wrote, after Grace’s death.

Cousin Hannah O’Callaghan, a teacher, babysat Grace when they were young and went on shopping trips with her and Gill later on.

“It’s really quite emotional talking about Grace,” she tells the Herald.

“Grace was a kind girl. She was very loved and she is really missed. We’re a close family and it’s been an extremely hard year for all of us.”

Grace went to St Joseph’s Catholic Primary School in nearby Stanford-le-Hope before attending the all-girls Brentwood Ursuline Convent High School.

She was a gregarious teenager who loved music, attending the long-running indie-rock V Festival in Essex. She was a talented hockey player and a member of Thurrock Hockey Club from a young age, later winning an award for training the youth team.

“What I remember most about her was her smile,” Claire Bailey, school chaplain at Brentwood Ursuline school, tells the Herald.

“She was always bright and full of energy, and her smile shone. She was a warm and friendly student, and was valued among her peers. Her open and bright personality drew people in.”

The girls’ views on the school “were not always the best”, remarked fellow student Paige Danielle on Facebook, but “we weren't just a school, we were a family”.

Grace studied media, English and fine art at St Thomas More High School, a selective sixth form, in her final two years.

She was a skilled artist, sharing sketches and paintings on social media, and one of her artworks was exhibited at London’s Mall Galleries.

Grace aspired to a fulfilling career, but “had a passion to see the world”, her brother Michael said at the time of her death.

She travelled to Iceland with friends in February 2013, and in January 2015, during her final year of school, she went to Los Angeles.

She was in a relationship with Matt Gadsden during high school and into her first year of university, when he also attended Lincoln.

They made trips into London to see the We Will Rock You musical and comedian Russell Brand, as well as to Madame Tussaud’s wax museum.

“Grace had a nice relationship with Matt, although they decided to go their own ways,” her father said in court.

She adored fashion and had a touch of Essex’s famous glamour, wearing fake eyelashes and bemoaning her “shoe addiction”. She often wore black, which she thought sophisticated.

In mid-2015, Grace moved up to the cathedral city of Lincoln, about three hours’ drive north of home, and threw herself into university life for the next three years.

She studied, went on hockey tours and partied at student club nights. She posted on Twitter about hangovers, missing her dogs and falling asleep at her desk.

“I feel like she started a bit of a stampede and several of her cousins followed her there,” her father said in a statement read out to court.

She made many lasting friendships.

After her first year, Grace spent three months at Camp America in Pennsylvania, working as a lifeguard.

“She was so funny,” fellow lifeguard Sean Kimmerer, 25, tells the Herald.

“We would have long chats by the pool and laugh for hours.

“Grace was such a beautiful, amazing person with so much spirit. She lit up the room.”

The pair took walks, visited an amusement park and hung out in town. Grace helped the children at the camp to make friendship bracelets, spending her downtime drawing, listening to music and talking to family.

“She was always saying how much she missed her mum,” says Sean, from Pennsylvania. “If it wasn’t, ‘I miss my mum’, it was ‘I miss my brothers’, ‘I miss my dogs’.

“I’ve spoken to her mum a few times and they are so much alike - she is Grace.”

The effervescent young woman reserved most of her energies for planning future adventures.

“Grace was a very independent, confident person,” says Sean, who remained in contact with her afterwards. “She would always walk into a room with so much energy, but she did also get scared, she was nervous about the trip as well.

“She was most excited about going to New Zealand. She loved nature and said she couldn’t wait to see the mountains.”

Grace had a brief fling with another boy at camp, but they didn’t stay in touch, according to Sean.

She was open with friends about her relationships and sex life.

Part of "girl talk" included discussing sexual preferences, a friend told the court. Millane "enjoyed her partner putting his hands around her neck", BDSM and rough sex.

She had accounts on sexual fetish communities including Whiplr and FetLife.

A former sexual partner of Millane told - via a statement - in court of how she enjoyed choking during sex. The pair, he said, also practised BDSM, blindfolding and role play.

But the two trusted each other and used a safe word.

"Grace and I were careful to discuss not only the physical but psychological effects of BDSM," he said.

Messages from her chats with two men on Whiplr, which totalled 412 in August and September 2017, were presented to the court.


She said she was new to the practice at the time and talked of role play and discussed her desire to be fully restrained and blindfolded.

A user of the app said the pair exchanged messages and photos.

In one messaging platform, he said Millane used her full name and outlined her interest in BDSM and other forms of kinky sex.

"Most people use the apps in a discreet manner," he said.

Millane, he said, appeared to be "at an explorative stage and quite open to suggestions" but was "quite open to it and wanted to try it".

"I felt like Grace was more naive and trusting in the BDSM area. The users could be any undesirable person online, and Grace had a naivety."

“We are still grieving as a family,” Declan told the Herald before the trial started. “Emotions are too high.”

Grace made her hometown friends feel loved, even when she hadn’t seen them in a while.

“Whenever we got together, we would sit there and say, yep, we’ll have a Hendrick’s and tonic and we’d just have a right old catch-up,” says Bilton.

“My last memory was her telling me how much she was looking forward to graduating; we had a catch up a few months before. And she was telling me how much she couldn’t wait to go travelling - this was definitely her passion.”

In March 2018, Grace took a trip with university friends to Rimini, Italy, before finishing university and returning to her parents’ home, sad but exhilarated about the journey ahead.

She had been in a relationship with a boyfriend for about a year but they broke up amicably, agreeing that a long-distance relationship wouldn’t work.

Grace’s final weeks in the UK were a blur of cheerful chaos.

She had her long hair cut off for the Little Princess Trust, which provides wigs to children and young people with hair loss.

“Only a week to go,” she posted on Twitter. “Maybe I should buy some clothes for travelling.”

And: “Can someone tell me how to pack for a year away please???”

The “savvy” young woman, who her father said was “not overly trusting of people” provided her parents with a copy of her British passport, and details of her Hotmail, Instagram and Facebook accounts, which would later be provided to police.

On her final night in the UK, Grace and her family went down the road to the Fox and Hounds for a drink.

“She came in all excited,” landlord Mark Hood tells the Herald. “We live in the area so I’ve known the family a long time. It’s hard to think what they’ll be going through.”

After a heart-wrenching goodbye at London Heathrow on October 26, Grace set off for South America. She kept in regular contact with her family through WhatsApp, Facebook, Instagram and text messages, telling them how much she loved hiking the Inca trail to Machu Picchu in Peru.

On November 20, she arrived in New Zealand, first exploring the Bay of Islands and Cape Reinga in the Far North, sending her family photos of toys and clothes she had bought for her niece Harper.

Back in Auckland, she posted the gifts back home. On November 29, she checked into the Base Backpackers on Queen St, paying to stay until December 8.

“I think travelling has changed me. I just bought some blue jeans,” she posted on Twitter.

Fellow travellers said Grace seemed like a “nice, normal girl”, who was looking forward to her birthday on December 2 and intended to travel to the South Island.

But on Saturday December 1, she contacted her family for the last time.

November 20, 2018

Grace, 21, arrives in New Zealand and travels around the North Island.

November 30

She checks into the Base Backpackers in Auckland and meets a man she has been messaging on Facebook. They spend the night at his Auckland city apartment.

December 1

After connecting on Tinder, Grace meets a 26-year-old man at SkyCity, visit Andy’s Burger Bar, the Mexican Cafe and the Bluestone Room bar before walking to his apartment, the CityLife Hotel where Millane dies as a result of pressure on her neck.

The Crown case was that he fatally strangled Millane. The defence claimed it was an accident during consensual sex.

December 2

Millane’s 22nd birthday. The man’s phone is used to access pornographic websites. Internet searches include car hire and extra large bags.

The man buys a suitcase from The Warehouse and puts Millane’s body in it. He buys cleaning supplies and hires a Rug Doctor from Countdown before cleaning his apartment.

He rents a car, returns to CityLife and moves the suitcase to the boot.

He then goes on a Tinder date with a woman in Ponsonby.

December 3

The man drives to a hardware store, buys a shovel and drives to the Waitakere Ranges where he buries the suitcase. 

He leaves clothes and linen with a drycleaner and cleans the car at WashWorld at St Lukes. He leaves the shovel against a wall and drives away.

December 5

Millane’s family report her missing to the police. 

Police find a comment by the man's under a new profile photo on Millane’s Facebook page made on December 1. They call him and he says he last saw her about 10pm that night.

December 6

Two detective constables briefly interview the man in a downtown Auckland food court. He says he last saw Millane walking down Victoria St West on December 1.

He is asked to come to the Auckland Central police station where he claims he and Millane went their separate ways after Andy’s Burger Bar.

December 8

The man gives another police interview, claiming he and Millane had rough sex in the hotel room before he passed out in the shower.

When he woke, he said Millane was “lying on the floor, I saw she had blood coming from her nose”. He is charged with murder.

December 9

GPS data from the accused’s phone is tracked to Scenic Drive. Millane’s body is found in a suitcase in a shallow grave.

November 4-22, 2019 

At the end of a three-week trial at the High Court at Auckland, a jury unanimously finds the man guilty of murder.

Hundreds attended Grace’s funeral, where mourners sang Amazing Grace and her distraught brothers were the pallbearers.

“The community is devastated,” says pub landlord Hood.

“They’re just a hard-working, normal family.”

Friend Peter Holliman adds: “New Zealand is supposed to be one of the safest places to live, and now it’s not even safe there.”

He knew the worst had happened what he saw people bursting into tears at Club Kingswood, the high-end sports centre where the Millanes are members.

“You’d see people just sat there staring into their drinks," he says. "Some people would make excuses not to come.

“It had a ripple effect. The first thing it did was to make everyone think of their children.

“Everyone could identify with them because it’s so sad and we’ve known each other for years.”

Alex Owen, a family friend and general manager at the fitness centre, says the news hit hard.

“It was a bombshell when it happened,” he tells the Herald.

“It’s still on everyone’s minds. A lot of people know who the family are; even people who don’t know them are still supportive.”

His wife Karen, who works at the club’s beauty salon where Grace used to get her hair cut, adds: “She was a really beautiful girl, inside and out.”

A memorial for Grace was set up in Wickford, the town beside Ramsden Bellhouse.

A candlelit vigil took place at the Fox and Hounds, friends and strangers lining the street.

As the family poured their grief into fundraising for charity White Ribbon, which aims to end male violence against women, New Zealanders sent tributes to the UK.

There were quizzes and soul nights in Grace’s memory at Club Kingswood and a charity hockey match in Lincoln.

Players from the Lincoln City football team observed a minute's silence to mark her passing before a match against Morecambe at their home stadium, Sincil Bank.

Grace’s favourite jewellery brand LL Loves created bracelets and earrings in her name, raising more than £8000 ($16,000) from buyers in 10 different countries.

The family donated the Grace Millane Sunshine Shield to Thurrock Hockey Club. Her shield will be given to the player who best represents the qualities she is remembered for: hard work, leadership, patience, organisation, social, love of the game and “smiling no matter what”.

Bilton organised an obstacle course race in August, with around 50 friends and relatives taking part to raise £12,000 ($24,000) for White Ribbon.

“After, we all went for drinks in their local pub,” she says. “We did a cheers for Grace.

“I do think that helped a lot of people. Obviously it’s a dreadful situation.

“Gill always says to me, ‘I’m just so overwhelmed by the generosity of the community and how many people have come together’.

“It’s touched everyone, even those that didn’t know her. She deserves to have this in her memory. People are trying to channel something good, even if it’s something small. I think she’d just be really chuffed.

“I know she would have been waiting for us down the bar with a gin.”

Grace’s legacy lives on in the homes of hundreds of domestic violence victims.

Her cousin Hannah and her mother set up Love Grace to collect bags filled with toiletries and make-up for survivors women, after reading about similar collections for homeless women.

With each handbag is a tag with a copy of her artwork - a blue flower - and a copy of her sign-off in her handwriting - “Love Grace”.

A note from her friends and family describes “amazing Grace” as a “free spirit with a beautiful caring nature, who was a loyal friend and enhanced the lives of all who met her.” It says they hope the contents of the bag will help victims “on your road to a safe future”.

The goal was to send out 50 bags, but more than 300 have been donated, with 400 to 500 still to send out.

“Often women in domestic violence situations leave their homes in such a rush that they leave with nothing,” says Hannah.

“We wanted to help those women and do something positive. Grace was such a generous person. It helps that Grace loved a handbag.”

And the message is being shared widely. Grace’s ex Matt posted on Facebook in August: “Please support this handbag appeal going on in Essex in memory of Grace. It’s a great use for handbags that are forgotten about and gathering dust”.

Love Grace is making an advent calendar and the sports club is planning an event for White Ribbon Day on Monday.