These days, it seems, medical experts can replace every part of the human body, says Wyn Drabble.
These days, it seems, medical experts can replace every part of the human body, says Wyn Drabble.
It looks like I’m due for some new spare parts. In the mornings I often feel I need a new starter motor or a recharged battery, for example, but here I’m not talking about automotive spare parts: differentials, alternators, bonnet releases, rims.
Nor am I talking about electrical appliance parts,though, if the last few weeks at our place are any indication, we are at the peak of appliance breakdown season.
I’m talking human body parts. I already have a few but recent tests suggest I might be in need of some more if I am to continue living a rich and fulfilling, pain-free life. Perhaps I should aim for the full set, aim for a completely new me.
These days, it seems, medical experts can replace every part of the human body: skin, bones, organs, hands and faces. I’m afraid I cannot offer an accurate scientific or medical explanation of these procedures so you’ll just have to put up with my rather flippant, naïve version based on my own experiences.
I have, for example, seen inside a lab-workshop where specialists make prosthetic body parts; lips, noses, ears. I have watched silicon spooned into moulds and tiny lengths of red cotton embedded in them to look, from the outside, like tiny blood vessels. Yes, I have indeed lived a rich and varied life.
I learned too that there is a lighter side to prosthetics. One delightful story involves a man who needed a new nose. The first night he wore it he discovered a problem. He used to enjoy the occasional whiskey-drinking night with a group of friends and, after a few nips, his face would flush.
But not the nose, of course. The solution was to have a second nose made – a drinking nose.
Another prosthetic recipient had a glue-on ear. One day while relaxing at a local beach he was body-surfing into shore and the force of a wave dislodged it. There was no chance of finding it and the loser’s imagination ran riot.
What would be the reaction of an innocent bather finding a human ear washed up on the shore? What if a dog ran with it between its teeth and delivered it to its owner?
And imagine the newspaper headline: Body parts wash up on local beach.
Instead of using glue, ears can be attached by magnet. This requires a small receiver magnet to be implanted in one’s skull.
A far simpler method for wearers of glasses is to attach the ear to the temples (side-bars) of the spectacles. This method is not without its shortcomings; spectacle-wearers often have cause to remove their glasses.
Blu-Tack is another option.
There have been huge advances in the world of replacement parts; prosthetics, rather than being just hooked or glued on, can now become robotic attachments integrated with the wearer’s brain. Please don’t ask me to explain this; I’m happy to leave that in the world of science-fiction.
Already there are hints of prosthetics that actually enhance, rather than just match, human abilities. This raises ethical concerns; just what can we consider to be a natural actual human being? Might this all be seen as playing God?
With all these advances and, I’m sure with the help of AI too, the modern pirate – already sporting a peg leg – will soon be able to enjoy the benefits of a fully-functional live parrot surgically attached to his shoulder.
