Wyn Drabble: Signs of ageing but can't remember

Yes, it may work for George Clooney but there are very few others that lucky.I'VE just done it with a fresh apricot! True! And I've come straight to the keyboard to write about it because it's definitely the first time I've done it with stone fruit. I'm hoping it's not a sign that the end is drawing very near.

I broke the apricot in half with exemplary skill - two perfect, even halves - and nestled in the middle of one half, like a diamond on a quilted cushion, sat the stone. So far, so good. Then it happened.

I plucked out the stone and popped it into my mouth, simultaneously extending my hand to the kitchen bin to dispose of the two apricot halves. Luckily I saw sense in time: had I bitten into the stone, the dental expenses could have tasted very bitter indeed!

Come on, admit it, you've done it too. Well, not necessarily with a stone fruit but in other ways. I'm sure that, like me, you have opened the fridge door to heat up the leftovers. Or opened the microwave to put away the milk.

I've even picked up the hand-held electric beater to do some ironing. It didn't take long to realise my mistake - the creases were simply not coming out of my shirt.

Yes, now they're coming back, aren't they! Gone to the laundry to brush your teeth. Gone to the wardrobe to fetch a cake tin. All worrying signs indeed.

But wait, there are more: forgetting people's names at crucial moments; losing the plot completely when it comes to remembering your passwords; hiding your valuables in a safe place then forgetting where; opening a cupboard door then forgetting what you're looking for.

Those are the mental problems associated with getting on a bit but, of course, there are plenty of physical ones to deal with too: unruly hair growing from ears, nose and eyebrows; your back playing up on a regular basis; grey, white or silver hair.

Yes, it may work for George Clooney but there are very few others that lucky. And don't even think about using the adjective "distinguished".

It's not, however, all doom and gloom: there are some positives. For instance, I've just had another apricot and the whole procedure went very smoothly indeed.

In old age, especially after retirement, there's a lot more time to do just what you want as shown in this well-worn but relevant little joke.

Ageing woman to husband: And what are you going to do today?

Ageing husband: Nothing.

Wife: But you did that yesterday.

Husband: Yeah, but I didn't finish.

And when you have a party there are no complaints because the neighbours don't even notice. Well, it's hard to burn the midnight oil much past about 9 or 10pm.

During your senior years, your bones are more accurate weather forecasters than the television meteorologists. Your knee will tell you there's a southerly change coming and you don't need Jim Hickey to tell you.

It's good news too that your eyesight won't get much worse and that in a hostage situation you are likely to be released first. Also things you buy now won't wear out: there won't be time. Secrets are safe too because you can't remember them.

One of my personal positives is that, despite my age, I can sometimes still manage an all-nighter. All-nighter here is not defined as partying through the night but as making it through the night without having to get up to attend to bladder needs.

Unfortunately, however, the negatives clearly outweigh the positives. But, whatever you do, don't despair. The good news is that there are plenty of other people showing all these symptoms just as often as you.

The bad news is that they're all considerably older than you.

I've been a little negative today so I wanted to finish with a little tip for helping you to cope with all of this but unfortunately I can't remember what it was.

Wyn Drabble is a teacher of English, a writer, public speaker and musician.