Santa (wearing a face mask and not doing too much ho ho ho): Hello, little boy. What would you like for Christmas?
Boy (also wearing a mask and staying a metre away from the jolly man and behind a perspex screen): I'd like Mu2version 4 and Prolapse Invasion 2 with the optional rocket-launcher app, please.
Santa: Pardon?
Me: Oh, come on, Santa. Do keep up. This is the screen age.
Santa: Well, when I was a boy we were outside exploring or throwing acorns at the traffic. If the weather was inclement, we were inside with a colouring book or a board game. Perhaps, also a whoopee cushion.
Look at this from a recent and reliable news medium. "On a typical weekday, 15-year-old students spend more than two hours online after school; an increase of 40 minutes since 2012, according to an OECD paper published in January. More than a quarter of students are classified as 'extreme internet users', spending more than six hours per day online."
And don't go thinking younger children are immune. Some research suggests there are even pre-schoolers who become familiar with digital devices before they are exposed to books. Prolapse Invasion 2 before "Spot Does a Naughty Thing"? Whatever next!
The Ministry of Health in 2017 published the nation's first screen time guidelines for under-5s: no sedentary screen time for children younger than 2 years and less than one hour a day for children aged between 2 and 5. Those aged from 5 to 18 are recommended to spend no more than two hours a day on "recreational screen time".
Then, of course, there's the issue of what they are watching. Parental supervision is the probable answer here and blocks can be put on certain kinds of sites. You'd want to block, for example, "Spot Visits the Red-hot Mommas in Vegas."
I wonder what the Ministry of Health recommends for parents. Often I see pedestrian crossings manned by very young kids. I sometimes see the kids in charge just playing around or practising dance moves or looking at the sky, and that's a worry.
It needn't be, you might say, because there are parents rostered on to keep an eye on them.
Wyn Drabble
Well, when I drive past in the morning, I can say in all honesty that most of the parents I see "supervising" are head-down doing something on their phone. The kids are on their own, the parents are on the phone.
That's not sending a very good message. Or text. Or email. Or Twitter. Or Instagram. Or Snapchat. Or WhatsApp.
Another worrying aspect of screens is the number of kids who will cycle along the road doing stuff on their phone. Those of us with the wisdom of more years know that it can only take a nanosecond of inattention for disaster to result.
What is even more worrying is that texting cyclists of today probably become the texting motorists of tomorrow. That's something we can do without.
I hope the woman driving the white Nissan sports car next to me on the northern motorway near Albany on Saturday will think about the consequences of all the texting she did at 100km/h.
So, on a slightly merrier note, please allow me to close with a Santa interview I'd like to see.
Santa: Hello, little boy. What would you like for Christmas?
Boy: Please may I have a pencil, an eraser and a jotter pad? And perhaps a watercolour paintbox if there's enough room in the sleigh.
Santa: Ho ho ho.
• Wyn Drabble is a teacher of English, a writer, musician and public speaker.
