COMMENT: Looks like I missed World Nude Gardening Day but, given the number of roses out there (about 120), I'm kind of glad. Serious harm could have come to a growing man.
The day (actually called World Naked Gardening Day but I prefer my version) is, of course, based on theNorthern Hemisphere spring but, as it turned out, May 4 was a mild and sunny day where I live.
So there was really no excuse not to take part. Except for the roses.
And the fact that I learned about it a day too late. Some might call it luck.
Even though New Zealand apparently has a bare-it-all garden day in October to match our seasons, the good folk at NZ Gardener magazine predicted that many Kiwis would want to garden nude on the proper day so they came up with a few gardening tasks that you could safely attend to on May 4.
We're safe, of course, given that the date has already passed, but perhaps you'd like to know what you could have done.
This was not the day to put in prickly plants.
First on their list was raking leaves. If the weather had been a little chilly in your region, this would have warmed you up in no time. Using a leaf blower might have been useful as a modesty cover-all but it wouldn't have had the warming factor. I'd call it cheating anyway.
Also good for getting your heart rate up was spreading mulch in the form of bark, grass clippings or pea straw.
Their third suggestion was to tidy your glasshouse and I'm sure that here they were thinking cleaning the glass as well.
Both sides. For the innocent passer-by, I'm not sure which would have been the better sight to encounter, your rear view or full frontal through the glass panels.
Then they suggested moving pots and containers though not heavy ones because of potential toe damage (yes, nude is nude).
But it was their suggestion of digging and weeding that I was most in favour of. This, I feel, is the work that puts the fun into horticulture in the nuddy.
Sorry, but I'm not willing to discuss my reasoning here.
The staff at NZ Gardener are not a cruel bunch so they did offer safety tips, the first of which warmed the cockles of my heart and beyond. "Stay away from rose bushes and brambles."
They stressed that this was not the day to put in prickly plants. I thoroughly concur.
They also advised the application of sunscreen though in more than the usual nooks and crannies.
Because you wouldn't have any pockets for your secateurs and the like, they recommended carrying a small bucket or trug. Now I didn't know what a trug was so I looked it up.
Trug, noun; a shallow basket made of strips of wood, traditionally used for carrying garden flowers and produce.
They also warned against power tools of any kind though I must admit the mental image of a naked person operating a pneumatic compactor is quite a comical one. A high pressure hose could be similarly amusing.
And they suggested warning neighbours that the nude frolic in the garden was going to occur so they could draw their curtains to reduce offence.
This would also offer them some cover when they peeped out.
Okay, we missed out on May 4 but now we all know what to do, come October.
I think it only has real impact if everybody does it, so let's all embrace the concept; whole communities out in their front gardens (back gardens would be cheating).
That'll be me behind the poplar tree, well away from the roses.
Wyn Drabble is a teacher of English, a writer, musician and public speaker.
