Wyn Drabble: Nudity paints quite the picture

The naked human form has long been a popular subject for artists and for a body of good reasons. Bodies have shapes, curves and dangly bits which can certainly provide the artist with a challenge.

I certainly don't envy, for example, the sculptor who has to chisel away at a scrotum. While I'm sure he would do it with all due care, it must be difficult to do it with any semblance of elan.

Historical nude art raises some interesting questions. Take the statue of David, if you will: Why would a warrior going into battle do so in the nude? Would he not require at least a rudimentary codpiece (though what protection an old bit of fish would provide, I shudder to think).

And wouldn't he need a weapon of some sort - and here I'm definitely using the word weapon in the arms sense?

Yes, I know he has a sling in his hand but he is going into battle with Goliath. Surely the sling could have been more gainfully employed as a rudimentary g-string.

Rodin's Thinker raises questions, too. Why is he, to all intents and purposes, sitting on the lavatory? As George Bernard Shaw once said: "I've posed nude for a photographer in the manner of Rodin's Thinker, but I merely looked constipated."

After researching the history of female naked art, I have come to the conclusion that being nude can be pretty exhausting work: Most of the models appear to be having a lie-down though, in most cases, the artists employ the word "reclining".

Some of the accoutrements raise questions too: Why Nude with Garden Produce, for example?"

Reclining Nude with Jotter Pad and Pencil perhaps?

Or Reclining Nude with a Selection of Pastries. Okay, I admit I made up the last two but they're not far from the truth.

Such thoughts have come to mind again recently because of a new fusion of nudity and art about to take place in Australia.

But you'll have to be quick. Sydney's Museum of Contemporary Art is offering nude art tours on April 27, 28 and 29. When I say nude art tours, I mean nude in the sense of ... well ... nude.

Artist Stuart Ringholt will be the tour leader and his exhibition deals with the subjects of fear and embarrassment. He will be presenting his own credentials as he leads the tour and, if you wish to join him, you will need to exhibit yours, too.

That's right.

If you want to join the naked tour guide, you will need to shed your own clothes, shed any sense of fashion you may possess. It's all part of the experience (and you thought exhibiting the contents of a rubbish bin was left-field).

This adults-only event will be, if you like, an exhibition of and for exhibitionists and nary a fig leaf will be permitted.

This raises the question: Where will they pin their name badges?

Good news for any last-minute travellers from New Zealand is that you won't need to pay for baggage, although that, too, raises some further questions.

Where, for instance, would you keep your passport? I guess you'd just need to tuck it away amongst your other credentials.

Of course, it's not Sydney's first foray into nude art. One other example I know about occurred on March 1, 2010, when Spencer Tunick created what he called an "installation".

It involved installing and then photographing more than 5000 completely naked people on the forecourt of the Sydney Opera House.

As one installed person said between the different poses they were asked to adopt: "It's not every day you get to be naked on the steps of the Opera House." Certainly can't argue with that.

Mr Tunick said the crowd "warmed up as the shoot progressed."

What he meant by that one shudders to think.

Naturally, I had to do a lot of research to be able to write about this topic so I was extra-cautious about the words I entered in search boxes.

I'm pleased to report that, of the many nudes I viewed, none was dodgy or in the least bit "pornographic".

Well, except for a couple of Egon Schiele paintings but I'm used to those.

I'd like to give the final word on nudity this week to Michelangelo, the man who created the naked David getting ready to put on his g-string: "And who is so barbarous as not to understand that the foot of a man is nobler than his shoe, and his skin nobler than that of the sheep with which he is clothed."

Wyn Drabble is a teacher of English, a writer, public speaker and musician.