Wyn Drabble says that according to a reputable British insect expert there are 17 million flies for each person on the planet. Photo / Getty
Wyn Drabble says that according to a reputable British insect expert there are 17 million flies for each person on the planet. Photo / Getty
According to a reputable British insect expert, Erica McAlister, there are 17 million flies for each person on the planet. Let me establish early on in the piece that I don’t need that many. In fact, I don’t need any at all.
Of course, the 17 million figure is onlyan estimate as flies don’t keep still long enough for anyone to do an accurate count but it’s probably almost as reliable as the census so I’m happy to use it as a ballpark figure.
My 17 million didn’t come during the summer because the weather was so disappointing but for some reason they have come now, in mid-May. Two of them are beside my PC as I type: the other 16,999,998 are mostly hovering. I can even hear them.
I live in a humane household in which any of the inhabitants would carefully gather up a praying mantis – even a spider – on a leaf and transfer it to the safety of outside. Yes, I know that once it is back in nature it is likely to be gobbled straight up by Mr Thrush but, I suppose, that’s the way of the natural world.
In my view, being humane is not applicable to flies – or cockroaches – so extermination is a key concern. If only there were an effective way to do it!
The extreme annoyance they cause warrants the use of heavy artillery. Unfortunately the M4 Sherman tank can be tricky to source, is a tad unwieldy and can cause no end of destruction to your beloved abode. Hand-held machine guns would be a little more practical but might pepper your walls with unsightly holes.
If you have an aversion to weapons of war, you could travel to the peaceful end of the destruction spectrum and mix two teaspoons of vinegar into a litre of water. Peaceful, yes, but unfortunately it won’t do anything.
From another room, I have just heard the distinctive THWACK of a fly swat so there’s another method at your disposal. Unfortunately it’s a little messy. It’s also time-consuming – only another 16,999,99 to go.
There are also those sticky fly papers you can hang in your house so your flies get stuck to them. The downside is that they don’t make very elegant décor.
Potted Venus flytraps might help too but apparently it takes five to 12 days for the carnivorous plant to break down a fly so tackling 17,000,000 is a pretty big job.
There are herbs and flowers you can plant in your garden around the house which help keep flies away: basil, marigold, lavender, catnip and bay leaves. You can also “double dip” by putting some of those to culinary uses.
I lived for about 18 years in Australia and, if you want to see flies en masse, I recommend you visit the island continent.
With a group of friends, I used to play a weekly nine holes of golf at a course in the northern beaches of Sydney. We learned early on to wear black clothing. If you wore a white shirt, the back of it at least would be totally black with flies by the second tee.
The bleakness of the black was, however, countered by the pink, grey and white on the fairways. The galahs could carpet a fairway as effectively as flies could cover a shirt but there was a flurry of feathers when a golf ball plummeted into their midst.
I’d like to close with another fly eradication method which has just been illustrated by Madam Dog. She’d clearly had enough of the pesky irritation so very quickly turned her head and snapped one between her jaws. Gone!
