Or you might deride me for my grumpy intolerance. You will say there are far more important issues in the world to get upset about. I already know and accept that - a lost penguin, for example.
But enough of the defence. Let's get to the issue lest you tire of the preamble and don't even reach the bit that causes you to poise your poison pens.
I'll just come straight out with it.
The issue is brightly coloured rugby boots which are totally out of whack with the rest of the team strip.
After all, boots are part of the strip too.
One pair of pink boots and one of yellow in an All Black line-up, for example, look not only slovenly but also silly. How can one concentrate on God Defend New Zealand when the camera is tracking past boots of many colours. God of nations at thy feet is right!
Your focus shifts from the team members to the odd boots.
It's the same principle in operation as when a well-endowed member of another gender wears a low-cut dress. No matter how hard you try, you simply can't take your eyes off her boo... er... her boots.
Of course, I'm not just directing this criticism at the All Blacks.
Other teams are doing the same with no shame. Only the Romanians with their strip of many colours could probably get away with anything. Except, perhaps, fluorescent purple.
I believe All Black management should lead the way by putting their foot (boot) down.
I would even go so far as to accept pink boots. But only if they all wear them. Even Graham Henry. In fact, team management could also accessorise.
A uniform is a uniform. Uni-. One. One form. Too pedantic? Too precious? I say no. The pride of our nation is at stake.
Allowing outrageous marks of "personal expression" puts the offending players in the same bin as recalcitrant school kids; the ones who wear their blue and grey uniform to school but add their own personal touches. A yellow bandanna, perhaps. Or, heaven forbid, yellow running shoes! They're the very kids who end up in Friday afternoon detention.
Young people who attend schools which have a uniform should get one thing straight: anything that looks cool is illegal. It's as simple as that. Similar rules should apply to rugby players.
If you don't regard the boot colour issue as serious enough for retaliation, I'll add fuel to the fire. Perhaps you would like to attack me or at least give me a detention for publishing a parody of our national anthem. My post box awaits your fire. Address your attack to either Boot Dispute or Anthem Furore, c/- Namibia, Africa.
"God of nations see our feet,
In those coloured boots we meet.
Hear our voices we entreat,
Let's keep all our team's feet neat.
Guard Pacific's triple star
From pink, yellow, white and more.
Boot the colours, boot them far,
Let us our black boots restore."
Wyn Drabble is a teacher of English, a writer, public speaker and musician.
