Wyn Drabble: Has butt-covering got out of hand?

Wyn Drabble finds the warnings on his new dishwasher over the top. Photo / Getty Images

Our precision-engineered German dishwasher served us without a hiccup for 17 years. Then, quite recently, it was all over. Time for a new one.

But how things have changed! Dishwashers are far more dangerous than they used to be. Six early pages in the manual were devoted simply to dangers or warnings.

Mrs D started reading the list to me, and she was only about a third of the way through it when I asked her to stop.

“No. We’ll take it back! It’s far too perilous to have in the house!”

The risks listed and explained were as follows: serious harm to health, risk of explosion, risk of injury, risk of scalding, risk of tipping, risk of electric shock, risk of fire, risk of burns, risk of suffocation, risk of crushing, risk of chemical burns.

The chemical burns part, for example, tells us that the water in the interior is not drinking water and may contain residues of detergents and/or rinse aid. So, anyone who was considering getting down on their haunches, bending their upper torso into the appliance and slurping up some residual water should think again.

At least there was no warning (documented, anyway) of a nitrogen asphyxiation hazard. Nor was there a warning that the product may contain traces of nuts. But I’m sure you’ll agree that it sure sounds like one risky little appliance!

Is it that we live in an over-litigious age? Has butt-covering got out of hand?

Can too many warnings on a label or in a manual possibly have a negative effect? They may be genuine – even well-meaning – attempts to do some serious risk management, but when they warn of every possible accident or danger, they become too lengthy, too difficult to understand and too... well... silly?

And perhaps the obvious nature of some the warnings actually trivialises them. Did the iPod Shuffle really need to bear the warning: ‘Do not eat iPod Shuffle’? Does a folding baby stroller need to advise removing the child before folding?

Wyn Drabble.

‘Do not use hairdryer while sleeping!’

On a scooter: ‘This product moves when used!’

I have seen evidence of this on a takeaway coffee cup: ‘Caution: avoid pouring on crotch area.’

I’ve even seen, on the packaging of a letter opener, a recommendation that the user wear goggles! Now, there’s a business opportunity for some enterprising person – letter opener goggles in an attractive range of designer colours.

At least if the warnings have a sense of humour, they can be enjoyable: ‘Unattended children will be given an energy drink and taught to swear.’

‘Please be safe. Do not stand, sit, climb or lean on zoo fences. If you fall, animals could eat you and that might make them sick. Thank you.’

My limited research suggested that there are other possible dangers not even mentioned in the dishwasher manual. One such danger is the formation of black yeast on the rubber door gasket.

A study from a Slovenian university found that more than 62 per cent of the machines they examined were infected by dangerous fungi, the names of which I find difficult to pronounce. Scientists say these can settle on the dishes we unload and subsequently use.

And Swiss scientists published a study saying that children from families where a dishwasher is used are more likely to suffer from asthma and seasonal allergies.

Anyway, in the end, after much debate, we kept the dishwasher and so far have suffered no negative effects – not even from black yeast.

But I’d still like to finish up with an apology; I suppose I should have warned you at the beginning not to read this column if unconscious.

Wyn Drabble is a teacher of English, a writer, musician and public speaker.