Wyn Drabble: 'February deserves a detention'

''Today's teenagers sit together side by side but they don't converse with each other; they are too busy gazing at screens and pressing buttons,'' writes Wyn Drabble. Photo / Getty

It's that time when pupils – and teachers – start thinking about a return to school.

The long lazy days will soon disappear but unfortunately they won't take the heat with them.

February is such an awful month to be at school. In fact, I think February deserves a detention.

I started high school almost six decades ago so I feel I am in a good position to make comparisons.

Has high school changed much in that time? A) Yes, B) No, C) Both of the above, D) The Treaty of Versailles.

I say the correct answer is C) but I can excuse people for putting D) on the grounds that it sounds lofty and authoritative. I will now attempt to show my working so that I don't lose marks.

Depending on which newspaper you are reading this in, today is the day NCEA results come out. So, there's the first difference.

We had never heard of NCEA but we had learned about acronyms so most of us would have had a schoolboyish crack at decoding it. This newspaper's high moral standards prevent my offering possibilities.

Our main acronym was UE. While we were waiting to see whether we were on the accredited list, it meant Uneasy Edginess. When we learned we had made it, the meaning changed to Unbridled Elation. It sure meant a long holiday.

''Most (students) are fabulous, well-mannered, hard-working leaders of the future'', says Wyn Drabble.

And our results came by mail. Actual mail. With a postie on a bike. I can still vividly remember the day my school certificate results were due to arrive.

I made countless trips to the letterbox in bare feet down our gravel drive. My brain still stores a mental picture of the envelope and I can still feel the gravel on my soles.

Internal assessment was but a dream. We needed to wait until enough people realised that examinations were a barbaric way to assess the effectiveness of a year's education.

In those days, corporal punishment was regarded as reasonably normal. Teachers' favoured weapons were the cane or the strap. The pain could be somewhat reduced by sticking an exercise book down the inside of your shorts but, to the more astute teachers, the fact that you had a rectangular bottom was a dead giveaway.

Nowadays, corporal punishment is considered old school.

Another big difference was that we did not have phones or texting or video games or Snapchat or Twitter. This meant that, at morning break and lunchtime, because we didn't have WhatsApp, we went outside and ran around and kicked a ball and gave each other "noogies".

That was only after we'd been to the tuck shop, of course: "Two pies, a chocolate milkshake and six Banana Bikes, please?" Nutrition was yet to be invented.

And vaping is the new smoking and comes in yummy flavours such as cherry surprise and nicotine nougat.

Today's teenagers sit together side by side but they don't converse with each other; they are too busy gazing at screens and pressing buttons.

They are even allowed to write their assignments on a laptop. It's MOE - and NZQA -approved. No need to report it to the RTLB. Or the DP.

So, those are some important differences but, because I chose C), it still remains for me to point out the things which remain the same. PPTA was around then and now though I don't know whether they called their meetings PUMs in the early days.

And so to the pupils: some still answer back, mumble, chew confectionery, stick gum on the undersides of desks, arrive late, avoid homework, are untidy.

But most are fabulous, well-mannered, hard-working leaders of the future.

See. Just the same as they used to be. C) it is.

TTFN